Saturday, October 18, 2008

Still Struggling

So here's the real post about my most recent voice lesson.

I'm still having trouble getting it all together. My latest "layer" is getting the sound deep in my body, meaning, using my low abs to push out the air. I've mentioned that before. So when I concentrate on doing that, I lose some of the legato and some of the vibrato. If I focus on the vibrato, I lose my low breath thing. I know I sound so much better now than I did a year ago. But the thing is, sometimes it does all come together for small sections, and I barely believe that it's me making that music. That just makes it worse, because I know I can do it, so why can't I do it? And then of course thinking like that is like a mental block because then I become too conscious of myself. Really what I need to do is relax, but I still feel like I have to be conscious of so many of the physical elements. So really I just need to practice more until the physical stuff just happens. But then I have to make sure not to over-practice. My teacher pointed out that taking a day or two or more off sometimes allows the music to sort of sink into your brain helps you get over some of that mental stuff. Oh and she also made me lay on my back on the desks and sing Vedrai Carino from there.

Oh and another super-frustrating thing is that I'm listening to WFMT right now, to the Lyric's "Operathon." Scott Ramsay (I was a monk in Romeo, he was Romeo) is being interviewed as I type this, about his experiences at the Lyric, and he's talking about how totally cool it is to work with experienced performers, see how they interact, take points from them...and masterclasses with well-known performers. He just told a story about being at a rehearsal early-ish in his career and Ben Heppner sat down next to him and said, "Oh I sang the part you're singing. When you get to this part, don't sing it too loud because..." and Scott found he was right. Ooh and he's talking about Romeo and how he did it last summer. It's so weird to hear him talking on my headphones right now.

So why is this super-frustrating? The truth? I am so envious. It sometimes fills me with regret that I didn't start studying voice 25 years ago, but who can say where that would have led me. I even get mad at my mother for putting me in baton twirling class instead of singing and acting classes. But that's useless... So I'll just keep going to my weekly voice lessons and do what I can to expand my own abilities and continue to learn and love the music. Geez that sounds hokey but it's true- the more I learn about music and about singing, the more enriching it is to listen to and enjoy it. And who knows, maybe one day a director will need a super who can twirl baton.

2 comments:

beauvoir2 said...

I kind of know how you feel. I have to make up two years of theory as a masters student. I am an English major because my college's music program was horrible. But, it sounds like you're doing great and you're also instilling a love of opera in your son which is really cool.

Lindsey said...

And people say singing is easy. HA!

In all seriousness though, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, you're basically teaching yourself how to control things that, essentially are involuntary reflexes. It's so hard to learn because we breathe all the time, and we talk all the time, thus we reinforce bad habits all the time. So give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing great!