My Personal Three-Ring Circus Cycle

Talk about a varied and intense day ...

Yesterday, in Ring number 1:

Final meeting with who is now my former voice teacher. I got the results of the vocal eval - here they are. There are two songs and three reviewers.


1. Art is Calling for Me

Reviewer 1:

Brava! Excellent use of breath and consistent, balanced tone quality. I love the characterization - I was enjoying this piece right along with you! My only suggestion is to make sure the high-strung energy of the character doesn't shake your internal calm as a performer. Great job!

Reviewer 2:

Fun performance! Keep your sound open on certain vowels - ee vowels and eh vowels particularly. Try to think of keeping the sound forward which will help to focus your sound and help in intonation as well.

Reviewer 3:

Nice, NICE, right from the start!
You've accomplished amazing things, girl!
Very well sung and acted in spite of nerves!
Need a little work on the final la-la section and phrase endings.

Nel Cor:

Reviewer 1:

Beautifully sung! this piece is challenging to maintain legato and consistent tone, and you did very well. I can see tension in your neck and shoulder; if you can release it, you will find even more ease and flexibility. Wonderful performance!

Reviewer 2:

Good work on this. The Italian is lovely. I'd love to hear you explore more of your vibrato - and dynamic tone as well - specifically in the quieter moments.

Reviewer 3:

Keep that throat open on [o] vowels (or... the famous soft palate raise)
Sounds beautiful - really!
Needs more tapered and graceful phrase endings the first time through
Just got better and better as you progressed
Last cadenza needs attention

In Ring number 2:

Circus!!! Sensory OVERLOAD. Loud music, flashing lights and something crazy going on everywhere you looked. Highlight: 7 motorcycles riding around inside a spherical cage. Found a good video of it:



And I got my $22 (!!!!!!!) spinning flashlight.


In Ring Number 3:

Opera Project recital!! I can't express how bizarre it was to go to the circus in the afternoon and then the recital in the evening. The only thing that would have made it more bizarre would have been if I had sung. The performances were really nice, as always. People kept asking me if I was singing. It was kind of nice - people remembered me from the last one. And I have to say, it sure is relaxing to attend without singing! One funny audience thing to report: A couple came in late and wanted to sit in my row, so I scooted down. The woman was next to me. Her companion put his arm around her over the back of the seat and his hand was on my shoulder. He left it there. I was like, how can you not know that your hand is on my shoulder? I shook my head so my hair fell on his hand and he moved it.

The next OP performance is in July at a winery. Hopefully they'll have room for me in the program.

I Went, I Sang, I Left

Voice eval was yesterday.

I think I did pretty well. I mean, I know I could have done better. I didn’t manage to consistently keep on top of my air to produce that full ringing sound, but I’d say I did do it for the majority of the time. And I actually forgot one word in Art is Calling. "Men sigh at my feet..." I forgot the word sigh. I got to the part and I had no idea what the word was so I sort of made something up to sing the note. I don't know if anyone noticed. I fudged my way through and pressed on. I look forward to seeing the comments from the panel.

I have to say, I admire the accompanist. What a job - I don't think that anyone who plays piano could do it. There was no rehearsal so we were just winging it. So, I had some parts in Art is Calling For Me where I held out the notes or did fancy fun stuff, but she just plunged right on into the next part. Then she’d realize what I was doing, stop and wait for me. Me, I just sang and ignored the piano when that happened. That took some discipline because my instinct was to stop and figure out where we were, especially because what I was singing didn’t match what she was playing. There was one instance where she started the “I want to be a prima donna” part while I was still doing the fancy-fancy notes part just before it, where we actually stopped, then I gave her a nod for when to start it. Then the second time around she waited for me to give her the nod. It was fun - I so much enjoy singing with a real live person at the piano! Then for Nel Cor, my teacher showed her the parts in the music where I sing it out fancy. She pretty much stopped playing when I got to those parts, and then joined me when I resumed. In previous years the piano stuff would have made me anxious, but now it was just fun. I guess that's what happens. I thanked them for listening to me, they thanked me for singing for them, I thanked the accompanist, thanks all around.

While I was waiting my turn I could hear the student who went before me. She was about 13. She sang the Verruca Salt song from Willy Wonka. She was great. She came out of there so upset from being nervous and from thinking she didn't do well. Her mom and I were both like, "Of course you were nervous! Even famous singers get nervous before they sing for people!" And of course I had to add, "Some of them even throw up! And you didn't do that!"

I was nervous too, but I wasn't as worked up about it as I had been for the previous evals. You just have to suffer through the first ones in order to get to that place. It's not like you'll get kicked out of the music school if you don't do well. I wonder if it's not only an evaluation of the singer but also of the teacher?

Anyway, I'm done with the school. I'll get my results on Saturday and then shut the door. I won't lock it, and light will shine under in both directions, but I'm not going back through it. If I ever do, it'll be into a different room. Just came up with that door/room thing as I typed it. Hokey, but not too bad.

Endings and Beginnings of Another Sort

That vocal evaluation that I've fretted over the past two years has arrived again. In fact, my time to sing is about 90 minutes from when I'm typing this. I'm nervous of course but I have a different attitude this time. Why?

Ok here's the skinny. (do people say that anymore?) I can't really type more until I tell.

My current voice teacher and I have decided that I've come as far as I can with her and it's time for me to move to someone new. It's more complicated than that, because everything always is, but anyway this is where we are. I have already found a new teacher - I'm fast like that. I was seeing the O.P. person I've seen before and I asked her for a recommendation. Lo and behold... she's now my new teacher.

I've been to a couple of lessons with her so far. It's interesting to hear the same sort of stuff from someone else, taught in a totally different way. They're both good teachers but they are very different. I'm pleased with the decision. Now I just have to get used to the "studio" stuff. She teaches out of her home and I never know, do I ring the doorbell or just go into the sitting area and wait? I'll figure all that stuff out. The other stuff, which I do like, is that we make the appointment for the next lesson at each lesson, so it's very flexible, and I pay as I go. Very different from my set time slot and annual tuition with the music school. I think I'm going to like the flexibility. And I definitely like her style of teaching. I think it's a good fit.

So to wrap stuff up at the school with my current (old?) teacher, I have the eval tonight, then I'll go Saturday to my regular lesson time to get the results. And that's it. I've decided I'll write my teacher a nice note, etc, and maybe give her a pair of earrings. And as for that recital of her students next month, I unfortunately cannot participate because I can't make the mandatory run-through with the accompanist. It's scheduled for Alex's birthday, and we're having a party here. And Alex's teacher is holding a recital of her students on the same day as the other recital. All he'll do is bow in time to three chords, but it's a big deal for him. So THAT is the skinny!!

Uplifting

A transition is taking place. Can't post about the details until I tie up one remaining loose end. But it's all good.

Meanwhile, I've been working on getting that consistent, ringing sound. Did some reading, did some googling and then had a consultation with someone about raising the soft palate and keeping it there while I sing. I think some of it got through my brain and into my singing. I have to practice, practice, practice. I definitely hear the difference - It resonates in my head, I'm louder and yet I have more control over the volume - and isn't that one of the things I mentioned that I wanted to work on? Volume control? Rather than blurt, blurt, blurt? I'm excited about this latest development.

Next week is that annual vocal evaluation that the music school does for/of the students. I'll sing two songs for three people - one is my current voice teacher, the other two are members of the voice faculty. I'll sing, they'll scribble furiously, I'll thank them and I'll leave. Then I'll come home and post about it. I can already predict that it'll be something along the lines of how I could have done better. Hm. Maybe I should write the post now and just wait until after next week to publish it. A few days after that I'll go to my lesson to get the results and of course will post all about that. Actually that's the same day I go to the circus and then to the Opera Project Birthday Concert so posting about the results will probably be delayed.

I have so many random thoughts about voice lessons and singing rushing around in my head these days. I will wait to write about it all until it solidifies into something fit for publishing. Perhaps once I have the results of the voice evaluation I'll have come up with some way of tying it all together.

What to Sing IF I Sing

I have a bunch of upcoming events. Maybe.

1. There's the voice evaluation for the music school in mid-May.
2. There's possibly an Opera Project recital near the end of May. Well there's definitely an OP recital but they're not sure they have room for arias this time around - more on that later.
3. There's the recital my teacher puts on of her students.
   

I'll need two songs for the evaluation, two for the student recital and one for OP if I can sing with them next month. Overlap is allowed of course.

I have three songs that I'm shuffling around for the events, plus another I can toss in for the eval.

1. Art is Calling for Me
2. Nel Cor and
   
3. I've pulled Vedrai Carino out of the closet of my brain.

So here's how I've got it mapped out.... for now.

1. Voice eval: Batti Batti and Nel Cor (or Art is Calling?)
2. OP if I get in: Either Nel Cor or Vedrai Carino
3. Student Recital: Art is Calling for Me and Nel Cor
   

The voice eval is a few days before the OP event. Shouldn't I sing there what I'd sing for the event? I'd certainly know by then if I'll be in. I'll find out next week. As of now they're doing tons of Wagner, the Lucia sextet and then some duets. I so want to do a duet! They told me they'd find someone for me for a duet so I'll talk to my teacher about what I could do. I'm stuck on Zerlina now and would love to do La ci darem la mano. But as usual, I need a baritone. I guess if I could possibly do it I'd just have to learn my part and ask them if anyone wants to do it with me. I feel so green about this stuff. But as usual I digress. As of now the program is full, although the fact that whatever I'd sing would be very short, like 2 minutes, is a plus.

So the plan for tomorrow's voice lesson is, I'm going to sing the three pieces for my teacher and then we'll decide together which one(s) I can get into shape to perform. I like having a plan.

Random

Nothing specific to blog about, but I figured I'd start typing in the empty window and see what happens.

Let's see..

I've been watching the video from Saturday's recital and hearing all the mistakes. Missed legato, missed vibrato, wrong length on some notes, and what the HECK was I doing with my arms?

Then I wonder, what will I sing next? I have no voice lesson for the next two weeks so I have plenty of time to think about it. The next Opera Project recital is at the end of May I think, and there's a voice eval with the music school and the recital my teacher hosts of all her students. I need two songs for each of those. They can be the same songs but they don't have to be. We were talking about Art is Calling for Me and Nel Cor... although now that I've sung Batti Batti twice in front of an audience I'm thinking, maybe I should revisit Vedrai Carino and apply all the stuff I've learned since I last attempted it? I also want to go back to Gretchen as she's been sitting in the back burner of my brain for a while. And then what about the next Opera Project recital? I'd love to do Art is Calling for Me but that's not opera - it's a song about someone wanting to sing opera. Maybe if I ever get to the point where I can do two pieces I can have that be one of them. And then of course I'm itching to do a duet. I'd love to do La ci darem la mano. Let's face it, I'm going to learn all of Zerlina, one piece at a time. So now I just need a baritone to be my Don Giovanni. All the men I know are tenors. Where are all the baritones?

Tomorrow I'm going to the AVA Gala "Brava Philadelphia," where I'll see Michael Fabiano (who finally got himself a facebook fan page) and Eglise Gutierrez, among many others. Joyce Didonato was supposed to be there too but she had to back out. Oh well.

Go to the Mirror!

I was chatting with one of my professional opera singer friends yesterday. I told him what the reviewers said and asked him if he had any idea what the whole "locked registration" thing means. He said it was very vague and therefore, in his opinion, not very helpful. He suggested that perhaps it means she thought I was using my throat to make some of the notes? He was so cute because he became not exactly outraged but annoyed on my behalf because of the vagueness of the comments from that particular reviewer. Regarding the head/neck out of alignment thing, he suggested that I… yes… sing in front of the mirror to see what my head is doing. He reminded me that it's all about the breath, and that once you get that down, you can sing in any position.
So what it comes down to is… as much as I dislike it… I will go to the mirror… and sing.

This Year's Results

Had a voice lesson tonight and got the results of yesterday's eval. Like last year, I'll type in what each person wrote for each song.

Haha first I have to share that when I went back through the blog so I could link to last year's evaluation, I came across this entry about polka-dot underwear. I also came across this entry about what my teacher said to me immediately after last year's eval. She even posted a comment!

Ok so to get back to yesterday's evaluation:

The Tipsy Waltz:

Evaluator #1:

• Charming performance!
  
• Even in the "tipsy" state sing good , pure French vowels.
  
• Keep your jaw more relaxed on [a].

Evaluator #2:

• I get the sense your registration gets locked into wherever you start in your voice. More exercises going through all sections of your voice may be helpful.

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• The French has really improved!
  
• You need to ground yourself! Connect with the earth!

If Music be the Food of Love:

Evaluator #1:

• Lovely! You are a good musician.
  
• You are very expressive, but sometimes let your head alignment collapse.
• Keep the back of the neck tall so the whole body stays lined up and you can support your tone more
• Keep up the good work!
• Good job!
• Thank you for singing for us!
  

Evaluator #2:

• Larynx sounds high and tight to me.
• You tend to pull your chin up and forward, which will affect your larynx. When it (larynx) is high, the folds can't come together completely which could contribute to the breathiness.
• Good musical instincts.

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• Relax
• You have come a long way with this one - really!
  
• Great phrasing
  
• A few funky embellishments
• Great focus to the very end.

So there you have it. It's interesting that one focused on the purely technical while the other was more performance oriented. And then of course my teacher gave her psychological support. Tonight she told me that she hadn't noticed me doing the neck/chin thing before. I sang to a little statue that was on a filing cabinet across the room - maybe I was sort of stretching out towards it? Who knows. I know some of the problems were due to nerves but I was surprised by the nice comments. She said she was really impressed at how I remained in character in If Music after the piano stopped. I think I've written about that before - it just happens... I become the person singing and believing that song, so when the music ends I'm stuck there for a moment.

Next up we have a studio recital on June 7. I will sing Una Donna a 15 Anni and If Music be the Food of Love. Today we went over Una Donna. She made up some exercises for one of the parts that's giving me trouble near the end. My teacher insists that I watch myself in the mirror while singing to see where I'm not opening my mouth enough. There's a mirror in the room and she made me watch myself. I really don't like to. Why? I don't know. I just felt weird. I'll get over it.

Pearls and Polka-Dots

As expected, I'm not happy with how I performed during the eval. I guess some of it was ok, but...

Ok so I warmed up, dressed nicely and went out. Well, first, I meant to change into my lucky polka-dot undies before going. I always sing well when I'm wearing the polka-dots. However, when I went upstairs to change, by the time I got there I forgot why I had gone up, so I left in the pair with the little roses. I remembered when I got to the car. Superstition... next time I'm going back to change.

So my eval was set for 6:20. I got there just after 6 and went to wait in the adjacent classroom. I was stretching, humming and sitting on the wall when one of the evaluators stuck her head in and asked if I'd like to go now because the person scheduled before me wasn't there yet. So in I went. And there they were - three voice teachers sitting in desks in the front row about 4 feet away. I started with the Tipsy Waltz and I thought I was doing ok... then I got the nervous warblies in my voice - you know what I'm talking about? I kept on going, the post-nasal drip caused a few cracks... and then... in the 2nd verse I forgot the words of one part! I fudged my way through and didn't flinch. Figured I could worry about it later, meanwhile, go on singing the best I can. Then I sang If Music be the Food of Love. Well first the accompanist played it in the wrong key! She started playing and I was like... uh... and my teacher said, "Wait!" and the accompanist said, "Whoops, what am I doing?" It was actually a good thing - it gave me a chance to recover a bit more. So on we went, I lapsed into my If Music character and gave it my all.

Afterwards my teacher said to focus on the things that went well and not worry about any mistakes. She said that the evaluators know how to hear through the nervousness and cracks, that I did very well and that she was impressed that I didn't acknowledge my errors in any physical way.

I have to say, it was way easier singing in front of a crowd of people at that talent show last month than it was singing in front of 3 people who are looking at you and scribbling about you while you're singing. You're going along and then suddenly one of them starts writing. Why? What did you just do? But you can't think about it, you have to keep on going. I think that's what caused my warbling voice. Next time I'll have to hide my view of the desktops with a music stand or something.

Anyway, tomorrow I get the results.

When I got home I noticed the pearl was missing from my ring. Oh no!! Then I remembered my ring catching in my hair when I was braiding it, and sure enough, there was the pearl... not in my hair, but on the rug in front of the mirror. Whew. Which meant I was there with an empty ring. I'm surprised I didn't notice. I'm glad I didn't. I'm sure they didn't. But of course I have to work that into a superstition, somehow. Guess I won't be wearing that ring the next time I perform. Well not only because of superstition but also because I probably won't have gotten it repaired by then.

A Sniffling Whine

Ok I'm starting to get a little nervous about tonight. I keep thinking I'll forget the words. I know I won't.
I want so much to do as well as I can so that the feedback I get isn't about something I already know I need to work on.

To add a little wine to my whine… allergies. Yes. There are copious amounts of, uh, allergy-inspired fluids running down the back of my throat. Sudafed helps but it's very drying. On the other hand, thinking I'm going to sing one note and then have another come out due to the mess in there… that's worse. So bring on the drying medications and hand me a glass of water.

I'll report in later with how I think I did.

Starring, the Vowels!

I'm not thinking about the voice evaluation tomorrow. Nope. I wasn't even going to blog about it, not directly. I'm afraid if I say I feel comfortable with the songs, I'll jinx myself, and if I say I don't feel ready, I'll believe it. So I'm saying nothing.

Except this - Vertical space. I have to remember to open open open and create vertical space. I was paying close attention to the singers in La Cenerentola. There was a whole lotta vertical space going on, for both the high and the low notes.

And this - Caressing the notes. How to caress the notes? I decided to go with the vowels and almost ignore the consonants. They're just there to bog me down. I'll use them as much as I need to, and no more, in order to connect the vowels and of course aid in the legato. They will not affect my vowels. They will not upstage the vowels. They will support the song like a bird's skeleton. Or like a mouse's - can't they squish their bones to fit through tiny holes?

Yes it's obvious to me too that I'm rambling.

More Therapy

Had a great voice lesson tonight!!! In all the tumult I forgot that lessons themselves are therapy, not only because you have to let it all out in order to give yourself over the music, but also because I generally focus on the lesson the entire time, giving my brain a rest from all the other things that are rolling around in it - usually a list of things I need to get done, places I need to be to get the things done and general "stuff of the day" - so it's refreshing to have a 45 minute time slot devoted to nothing but my lesson.

My vocal evaluation is next week, on Wednesday. I'm not as nervous about it as I was last year, which of course makes sense. Today we went over the two songs I'll be doing for the eval. I record my lessons and also write notes to myself (words, not musical note notes!!) of things to remember, checks on the music for when to breath, how to pronounce things, remember vertical space and so on. I practiced during the week and listened to the tape alot. My teacher was very happy with my progress. I've fixed a few errors and will work on the others by Wednesday. She also coached me on how to be - walk in, say hello, nod to the accompanist, fix on an imaginary person sort of above and behind everyone and sing to that person. I can do that. I did it during the lesson.

So the Tipsy Waltz went pretty well. She keeps sort of reigning me in, movement-wise. "Less is more." Movement, for me, can hinder my technique. So that's one of the things I'll be working on - subtle subtle movements. Then we did If Music Be the Food of Love. Again, problems connecting. Then all on my own I went and sat back against the wall, then slid up just a little so my back was still flat but I was sort of casually leaning on it. I was relaxed, my shoulders were relaxed. I got this dreamy feeling inside and just sang to that imaginary person. I had to come back to myself when the song ended. I was the person singing that song and believing it. I was singing it to an imaginary someone. When it ended I was still there for a moment. I love that. My teacher picked up on it without me saying anything - she said she could tell that I gave myself over to the music. So just like anything else, learning to relax into it makes just a huge difference. Practice, practice, practice. I know I can do it - I've done it before.

At the end of the lesson, I felt so much better about myself and all the crap I whine about. I hope it lasts.

Some Things Never Change - Except for the Magic Number!

For example, I'm still singing those two measures of If Music incorrectly. Like my brain learned it wrong and I can't seem to unlearn it. I can unlearn it... I just have to concentrate. And practice. I have to get my body to remember how it feels to sing it correctly. And I'm talking about 1 note in each of the two measures that leads me into singing a few other notes off, but when I get that one note right, the others are correct too. What else never changes? For Tipsy Waltz - my pronunciation of the words "suis" and "peu." Years and years of French class have me pronouncing them one way, but French has that tricky bit of being different when you sing it. I'd like to know who came up with that bright idea.

Hopefully now that I've written about them, these little problems will miraculously and/or magically correct themselves. C'mon, brain, do it!

Once more lesson before the Big Eval. Two weeks to correct the two words and the two measures in two songs. Is two the new magic number? <-- Two words, two links.

Surprise Voice Lesson

I missed Thursday's lesson for the event at work. This morning at 9 my teacher called to say she had an opening at 10, did I want it? Perfect timing - Alex has music class in the same building at the same time, and Husband was coming along anyway because we were headed somewhere straight from there.

We decided that for the Evaluation I'd sing The Tipsy Waltz and If Music Be the Food of Love. For the recital in June I'll do If Music and Una Donna a 15 Anni.

So to prep for the eval we went over both songs to fix little things here and there. Decided to try If Music a step lower. The songbook came with a CD that can allegedly do that, plus I have a program on my computer that might be able to handle it.

I like a morning lesson so much better than the evening ones! My only real problem was that I hadn't had my usual allotment of caffeine yet, so really had to concentrate extra hard to stay focused.

I told her how much fun I had performing the other day and she let slip that she'll be performing next Sat night!! It was like pulling teeth to get the info out of her, but I got it. Of course I'm going!! More on that next week.

I think the Voice Eval will be much easier this year than it was last year. I hope. It'll still be my first time with the accompanist for these songs, and I've never actually heard a piano version of Tipsy.

Do you hear that Divavixxen??? I'm singing your audition song for a voice evaluation!!! Any and all professional tips are welcome! Can't wait to hear how they tear my accent apart.

Grounding with Yoga

Interesting voice lesson tonight. We planned on starting the new piece, Gretchen at the Spinning Wheel, by Schubert. We went over If Music again first - turns out I was singing a section wrong. And rehearsing it that way. For the past three weeks. Didn't I say that I was making mistakes with this song? Apparently they continue... for how long, who knows? Also, my teacher said she felt like I wasn't grounded, like I had some tension in my jaw. So then she had me do a wall-sit, you know, where you put your back on the wall and bend your knees to a 90 degree angle as if you're sitting on a chair, but you're not, so you have to press into the wall to stay there. Great exercise both muscularly and vocally! It forces your spine straight. I could instantly hear the difference - a much fuller, more rounded tone. I could feel it resonating. When my quadriceps said "no more!" she put me into different yoga-style lunging positions. Sounds silly but it worked! Turns out she has been taking a class called Yoga for Singers. She's really excited about it because it really does seem to help. I can see why - yoga is about breathing, form and posture. Makes pretty good sense that it would help improve your singing.

So with all that we never did get around to much more than going over the pronunciation of the first few stanzas of Gretchen.

Next up: The dreaded Voice Evaluation!! That's May 13. Then in June a student recital!! The only problem with that is that the dress rehearsal is in the middle of the day on Alex's birthday and we're planning on having a party that day. Might have to do some switcherooing. The recital itself is the following evening. Might have the birthday party on the recital day instead. That way I'll be too busy to worry and be nervous. I wonder if I'll be the oldest student again? Anyway for the eval I told her I'd like to do Una Donna and If Music Be the Food of Love. Of course now I have to sort of relearn the part I've been singing incorrectly all this time. It would be so convenient if I knew how to play piano and/or read music, because then stuff like this would be less likely to happen. Oh well, it's nothing I can't overcome.

Feel Your Feet! Good courage!

Got the feedback from the Voice Eval. There was a check-off part that I won't bore you with and a comment section for each song that I will bore you with. Each person hand wrote their comments - the two "official" evaluators and my teacher.

So I'll transcribe the comments here, by song.


Goodnight, My Someone

**all three commented on my breaking character before the piano ended. It seems so obvious to me now but at the time I had no idea. My teacher blamed herself for that, for not going over all the music and explaining about that. I still feel like I should have just known... but anyway...**

Evaluator #1:

• Lovely, sweet sound
• Nice connection to the text and you're comfortable presenting the song.
• You're not afraid to connect to the character - that's great.

Evaluator #2:

• Keep the breath energy smooth from note to note. [comment from me: nerves?]
• The energy is in the vowel.
• Your mouth shape is horizontal and there seems to be a lot of tension in your lips.
• Some good released sounds in there - notice how that feels.

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• More lower breathing needed
• Good vertical space
• More legato and vowel connection needed [yeah, no kidding]

Lasciatemi Morire

Evaluator #1:

• Good.
• Work on getting deep low breath.
• Stay connected into the body for a fuller, more complete sound.
• Your desire to sing and act needs to be grounded in a really firm technique.
• Feel your feet, think tall and deep (in vowels and tone)
• Think a "queenly" attitude - strong, dynamic, forceful physique! Regal!
• Good [This "good" was off to the side and underlined.]
  

Evaluator #2:

• Get lower in your body.
• It takes time to build the necessary strength in the body.
• Find the core of the tone and maintain it.
• Good start.
• Good courage!

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• Good emotion in the voice
• Don't fold into yourself and ruin your posture
  
• Improvement on vertical space
• Nerves impeded the embellishments

Today when we went over the suggestions she said the emotion was great. We went over the embellishments again and the truth is... I just didn't know them. Ok that's not entirely accurate. I knew the notes and how they fit together but was having trouble with the rhythm and making sure I fit them in all the two measures, so I didn't get them in the right parts of the measures. Sometimes I wonder if this would have been easier had I learned how to read music as a child. We had gone over it before but I had some sort of mental block. Today she described it another way, using math terms, and it was like something clicked in my brain and suddenly it all made sense. So nerves sort of impeded the embellishments, but not in the way she thought - it was nerves about not being sure, not general nerves about the event. At least that's what it seemed like, to me, at the time.

My teacher said that the evaluators liked the fact that I'm into opera because it helps me get emotion into my singing. That's not exactly how she put it but you get the idea. They also suggested a song for me - Ouvre ton coeur, by Bizet. Hey it's in French!

Next week is a studio class where each person will sing one song once or twice, people will offer suggestions and the teacher will give advice. I decided to practice Lasciatemi and do that for the class.

So how do I feel? I'm not shocked or surprised by any of the breath advice, about finding strength and getting lower and being connected to my body and breath. I definitely need to work on that.

I am surprised by all the good feedback. Yeah I know... I can't help it. But now I know there is something in there, in me, some sort of potential, and if I keep working I'll get closer and closer to that sound, to that potential to produce music. That's pretty cool, dontcha think?

The Results Are In

...but I don't have them yet. Voice lesson tonight. I missed last week because Husband was away and I had no childcare. So Tonight I will hear the Results of the Voice Evaluation. I'm looking forward to it and also dreading it. I'm sure my Teacher will have her analyst couch out for me tonight. Tonight is also the last lesson before the studio class thing next week.

Now if I could only keep my eyes open. *yawn*

The Inner Workings of a Crazyish Mind

Thanks to everyone who left kind comments on my previous post. It's great to have the support - it helps!

I keep going back and forth between, this was no big deal, it's a learning exercise, or, a growth exercise, as my teacher pointed out, and not some sort of judgment of me as a person. But then I think, that's what it comes down to doesn't it? I put my whole self into my singing, so if I don't like how I sound, then I don't like myself. That's not exactly accurate. It's more like, if I don't like how I sound, I'm embarrassed? That's not it either. But it's something like that.

I'm also annoyed with myself for my reactions. I'm so annoyed that I got nervous. I work hard, I do my homework, I look at the music when I get a chance. I practice every day. I can sing those songs (and many others) in my sleep. But all of a sudden, those pencils were scribbling, that piano was playing and it sounded different than the CD accompaniment or my teacher (who should not beat HERSELF up or apologize about her playing!!!) and lost whatever dredges of relaxation were left in my body. When I don't like how I sound I usually put my hand to my throat as if it were betraying me. I found myself doing that which further annoyed me. Bad habit, must break!

I think one of the most important things, as one commenter pointed out, is that now I've done it. It's over with, there are no more first times. Sounds simple, but it's true.

Ok time to stop putting so much energy into this. On to the funny things:

Out in the hallway afterwards my teacher kept smacking me in the arm telling me not to beat myself up. *smack* "Don't beat yourself up!" *smack* "I know how you feel!" *smack* "Don't do this to yourself" *smack* and so on...

Yeah ok, now I won't need to beat myself up... :) No doubt that's why I cried like a baby in the car before driving home...

The other funny thing also involves my teacher: In her comment on the previous post, she called me a "gutsy girl." Girl, heh heh. A 41 year old girl. Did I ever mention that I'm her only adult student, the rest are teenagers?

I'm solo-parenting this week so I may not have time to post as much as I'd like... I'll make up for it next week, I promise!

One last thing - when putting the labels in for the post, "insanity" was already on the list. Hah!

"Try to be abnormal"

So said my teacher to me in the hallway after I sang. Apparently my feeling of disappointment in myself, of wanting to rush back in and do it over, of beating myself up over the little mistakes, of just feeling embarrassed about myself, apparently that's all normal. ????

It was so weird. I wasn't nervous until after I had begun singing. I was sort of looking over their heads. Then I glanced down at them and saw that they were furiously scribbling, and any shred of calmness and self-certainty that I had left went out the window. I cracked, I lost my vibrato on some notes and was generally shaky sounding.

I've never sung with an accompanist before. I've never sung in front of people I didn't know, and certainly not people who were judging me. It was so weird - there were little parts here and there where I knew I was off but couldn't control it. I never sang "Goodnight My Someone" with any music other than my voice teacher playing the chords. I didn't realize there were several measures of piano after I was done singing. I was like, isn't it over? Why is she still playing? Did I forget a section? Should I still be singing? I was confused and a bit freaked out that I was doing something wrong. My teacher told me later that I picked up my water bottle while the piano was still going. I don't even remember doing that. She said that was my only real "mistake." She said I incorporated the things we talked about last week about creating vertical space, and she knows that I was off on the ornamentation in Lasciatemi Morire because of nerves. She said that for my first evaluation, and my first time singing with a real live accompanist, that I did very well, that I've worked hard all these months and I should be happy.

So why do I just want to cry? Relief?

Lest I bring the reader of my otherwise lighthearted blog down, take a look at the certificate I got. How silly is this! Yup, it's official. I've been evaluated. It's a little wrinkled because I sort of shoved it in my bag... And what, no frame? Time for a trip to the dollar store!

Warm unFuzzies

All warmed up. Hope it's not too early. All warm, but no fuzzies please.

Had a light snack of, yes, leftover pizza. I could say I was inspired, or something, by this person, but truthfully it was all we had in the house. Talk about comparing apples and oranges... She's a professional and I'm a, well, I'm not. She sang a leading role in an opera that people paid to come see, I'm singing two songs for people I pay tuition to. She also gets paid. Again, I pay for the privilege...

And I will say that my pizza was not greasy or cheesy (as the oil seeps out my pores) because it was a Brooklyn, (except square, not round) from Vito's, with a super-thin crust, blobs of fresh mozzarella, fresh basil and crushed tomatoes. Yum!