Too Much Vibra-a-a-a-a-a-a-to

Friday night after dinner Husband, Alex and I went to a holiday music performance and sing-a-long at a nearby museum. The singers were from the young artist program of my local opera company. They're all so young - fresh out of college - and so talented! The music was nice and almost all if not all in English. Alex's favorite was when the baritone sang the Grinch song. Listening to it again it sounds more bass than bari but the program listed him as a baritone. At the end of the short program they did the sing-a-long. Alex had been waiting all evening, past his bedtime, for Rudolph. As soon as it was over he lost all composure and was Very Ready to leave, so we did. I wanted to stay and sing... but it was not to be. So it was very lovely. I just want to comment/ask about one thing. The soprano, who was tiny, adorable and charismatic, sometimes had so much vibrato in her voice that it was hard to hear the notes. When the vibrato wasn't overwhelming the notes she sounded absolutely lovely. Husband noticed it too.

And now, for your cringing pleasure, here is a video that's so horrible you'll want to watch it twice.

"Try to be abnormal"

So said my teacher to me in the hallway after I sang. Apparently my feeling of disappointment in myself, of wanting to rush back in and do it over, of beating myself up over the little mistakes, of just feeling embarrassed about myself, apparently that's all normal. ????

It was so weird. I wasn't nervous until after I had begun singing. I was sort of looking over their heads. Then I glanced down at them and saw that they were furiously scribbling, and any shred of calmness and self-certainty that I had left went out the window. I cracked, I lost my vibrato on some notes and was generally shaky sounding.

I've never sung with an accompanist before. I've never sung in front of people I didn't know, and certainly not people who were judging me. It was so weird - there were little parts here and there where I knew I was off but couldn't control it. I never sang "Goodnight My Someone" with any music other than my voice teacher playing the chords. I didn't realize there were several measures of piano after I was done singing. I was like, isn't it over? Why is she still playing? Did I forget a section? Should I still be singing? I was confused and a bit freaked out that I was doing something wrong. My teacher told me later that I picked up my water bottle while the piano was still going. I don't even remember doing that. She said that was my only real "mistake." She said I incorporated the things we talked about last week about creating vertical space, and she knows that I was off on the ornamentation in Lasciatemi Morire because of nerves. She said that for my first evaluation, and my first time singing with a real live accompanist, that I did very well, that I've worked hard all these months and I should be happy.

So why do I just want to cry? Relief?

Lest I bring the reader of my otherwise lighthearted blog down, take a look at the certificate I got. How silly is this! Yup, it's official. I've been evaluated. It's a little wrinkled because I sort of shoved it in my bag... And what, no frame? Time for a trip to the dollar store!

Warming Up - The Big Relax

So tomorrow is that voice evaluation. I've been practicing my two songs. I can sing them just fine, meaning, I can sing all the notes. But singing is so much more than just hitting the notes! For Lasciatemi Morire I definitely feel the pain as I sing it and my voice teacher told me that it does come through, but then we added the ornamentation two weeks ago... I find myself becoming conscious of it, like, I break out of my misery and think, "Ok, here it comes, gotta get the timing right..." and then mechanically it sounds ok, but that's just it - it's mechanic, not melodic. This morning in the shower (where else?!) I realized that I've practiced it enough and I don't need to be conscious of the notes that much - they'll just come. So hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to relax (yeah uh huh) and let them just come. Might have to pretend I'm in my living room instead of that classroom.

So for Goodnight My Someone - Still working on the damn legato. I stitch the words together and it still sounds choppy. I know I can do it, but why won't it just happen? I know, I know... relax. Dumb jaw. Let it just come. Be Marian the Librarian, looking for that special someone who must be out there just waiting to fall in love with her. Thanks to my teenage mindset I can lapse into that longing-for-a-boyfriend feeling pretty easily. I have found that I have more legato if I sing it quietly, so maybe I have to tone it down a bit, use a little less energy. Maybe it's a muscular control thing, and when I sing it quietly I have more control than when I let 'er rip.

Main point here: Relax, Relax Relax!

All I Want...

... is a full night's sleep. Is that too much to ask? Another sicko day here in the I'd Rather Be Sleeping Household. Did get a chance to practice my vibrato scales a little, but singing is out of the question thanks to the bizarre cough. Spent 2 hours this afternoon holding a feverish Alex while he napped/dozed. Jim came home with a fever of 102 (no doubt vectoring (infecting) the Rutgers undergraduate population, or at least the students who showed up for class) and then Alex took over 2 hours to get to bed. Parents of toddlers who read this will need no further details as to what that means.

I don't think any of this is good for the vocal cords. Especially the part when I finally lost it and yelled, "Get back in bed or I'm turning off the light and shutting your door!"

Ok, here I go to try and sleep for 8 hours IN A ROW...