Serendipity

It is time to write again. I toyed with the idea of writing a different entry for each topic I want to write about, or to write one long epic post covering everything that’s happened over the past few weeks. Decided to go with, "mini-epic."

So I had been scrambling around looking for a  voice teacher.  I gathered some recommendations and finally ended up going to this guy someone recommended. It turns out he actually knew my teacher, although he hadn’t known that she had passed away. So I had 2 lessons with him. He was very nice, but there was something about the entire situation that didn’t click for me.  Part of it was, it was in a nearby town that has metered street parking. So I sort of stressed over having enough quarters for the meters, and finding a spot near his house. It threw off my timing because I had no idea if I’d end up with a 1 or 10 minute walk to his house. Also, he did want me to commit to a regular lesson, which of course I understand, but I’m not comfortable doing that at this point. So I felt a little pressure from him there, although he was flexible for the 2 lessons we did have. I was sort of willing to deal with those factors, but then he made a comment about me having to unlearn everything my last teacher taught me so he can teach me his way. My stress over the parking situation, the pressure to commit and that one comment led to my decision not to study with him. He was super nice, but the situation just wasn’t for me.

 Meanwhile, I needed to prepare for the October 19^th memorial concert. I went to a rehearsal for it, coincidentally on the same day as a 30 Seconds to Mars show. The last time 30 Seconds to Mars played that same venue, I had an Opera Project rehearsal. So anyway I went to the rehearsal, then arranged to meet one of the teachers/directors for a lesson. That was fun, it went well. But generally he teaches only male students, so it was a one-time thing. He gave me great advice and also recommended that I hook up with a vocal coach. Bottom line, though, was that I need to take regular, weekly lessons in order to maintain and improve.

Then, the concert. I did pretty well, I thought.



Turns out it wasn’t broadcast live on the radio station. However they did record it, so who knows, maybe it’ll turn up online one day.

 After that, I sort of despaired about finding a teacher. How was I going to find a local teacher who I liked, who was as flexible as my last voice teacher was? It was impossible. About 2 weeks ago I finally gave in and realized that it just wasn’t going to happen. I actually said out loud to my husband that unless a situation like I had before just fell into my lap, I’d be giving up studying voice for a while. I knew I was giving in but I didn’t know what else to do.

That very same afternoon, I received a call from a woman, a singer and teacher, who had been very good friends (and was a former student, 40 years ago) with my voice teacher. Before my teacher died, they had discussed this woman taking on my teacher’s students. Because she was so close with my teacher’s family for so many years, they insisted that she give lessons in the house, in the same room even. It’s what my teacher wanted. So that’s what she’s doing. She told me that she’s still figuring out the scheduling, so is it ok with me if we schedule from week to week? And she’ll charge the same amount but will go 15-30 minutes longer. I seriously couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I almost started crying. This was the very same day I had the conversation with my husband. And BOOM something fell into my lap. 

So I did go for a lesson last week. I thought it would be weird to go into the house but have a lesson with someone else, but it wasn’t. It was actually comforting. It was great. It was natural. It was exciting. I kept giggling during vocalizations, I was so happy to be there. She was a great teacher too. So… I have a new voice teacher.

 

Next time we'll go over what aspects of singing I need to work on, what songs I've done, what I'd like to do, what she thinks I should do and just make a general plan or goal.

Blondie Tomorrow!

I’m sitting here giggling with excitement because I’m going to see Blondie tomorrow. It never really occurred to me to post about it, until Husband asked if the only reason I’m going to see them is because my voice teacher was Debbie Harry’s voice teacher way back in the day. Of course not! He has no idea how influential Blondie has been on my singing, and I actually never really thought about it much, but looking back, I realized I learned a lot from listening and singing along. And sing along I did – I learned all the words to every Blondie song. This was back when I was a certified “alto” and didn’t believe I could hit the high notes, so some of the songs were especially challenging for me. Picture This was the most challenging of all for me. The chorus went on with no room for taking a breath, and it was at the cusp of how high I could sing below that flip in my voice. Now, of course, it’s a piece of cake. But then… I practiced that for hours and hours, trying to have enough breath to finish the line. What else? Sunday Girl. Also, just at that point of my (then) highest notes. Then other songs I just had so much fun with. Fade Away and Radiate. All sort of dreamy verging on dramatic. Hanging on the Telephone. Hell yeah. Rip Her to Shreds – the ultimate mean girl song!! In the Flesh. Swaying back and forth and flirting with myself in the mirror, then getting pouty. Call Me – loved the end “call me for your lover’s lover’s alibi.” I’d get mad when it was on the radio and they cut the ending before that line. And “roll me in designer sheets,” what a great line!!! Atomic. “Toniiiiiight…” “Oh… your hair is beautiful…. Ahhhhhh tonight!” And then there was a video for Dreaming that used to come on USA’s “Night Flight” and maybe the Kenny Everette Video Show (that link isn't for that video - I can't seem to find it on Youtube). I’d jump and sing along. Rapture. The first rap song? Maybe! Men from Mars? Sounds good to me. Now to give you a better picture of what this was like, I must add that I did most of this singing in front of my bedroom mirror, using either a baton or a hairbrush as my microphone. I’d pretend that I was Debbie Harry. And yes I did this with Queen songs too, where I loved that I could choose basically any line in the harmony to sing along with. But I never pretended to be Freddy Mercury like I pretended to be Debbie Harry. And speaking of baton twirling, two girls in our baton twirling group had this awesome duet set to Heart of Glass. What else? College - singing The Tide is High at a party, somewhere... I don't really remember...but I was hanging out with this guy who knew how to play it on guitar, so I sang it. Haha I wonder what my parents thought of me singing all these lyrics at age 12.

So to answer husband’s question, while I am thrilled at the idea that I was doing all that singing in the mirror while Debbie Harry was studying voice with the woman who now teaches me… hell YEAH I’d be going anyway.

Of course my voice teacher knows I’m going, and she gave me a note and a gift of handmade notecards to pass along to Debbie. How? I have no idea. I’ve emailed Chris Stein on facebook, commented on a picture on his public fan page and tweeted both him and BlondieOfficial… but I don’t really expect him to see it or reply. But who knows. Will tomorrow be another of my crazy rock/opera adventures? Either way, I’ll post about it.

If I Can Trill It, It Will Come

I’ve been bad bad bad about posting here. But I’m back!!! My voice lessons have been going swimmingly. We started Voi che sapete a few weeks ago. It was sort of a relief to learn a song that I already know the melody of. Also we’ve been working on different kinds of exercises. My teacher had me lip trilling up pretty high... then she pointed out that if I can trill it, I can sing it. And wouldn’t ya know, that knocked down some sort of psychological block - maybe one of those pesky gremlins- and there I was, ringing out these gorgeous high notes. Like, higher than I ever imagined I’d be able to hit. All this music, this voice, has been inside me all this time, and finally with the help of my teacher I am finding it and letting it out. She keeps giving me pep talks about what a gorgeous instrument I have, and how great I sound and all that. She tells me enough, I’m almost starting to believe her. Almost.

If I can figure out how to chop out a piece of the recording, I’ll post a section of the lesson where I’m singing these crazy notes. Meanwhile, I'll be singing along to all these high arias I used to think were out of my reach. Queen of the Night? Never say never!

Yeah, I know

Ahaha I have to laugh at the title of this post because a few years ago I wrote one called, "um... I don't know." My post today may have an opposite title, however it is not opposite, or even related to, the "I don't know" post.

That said... What is it I DO know?

Well, I've said several times that I love the internet, for how it connects people who otherwise would never have the opportunity to interact. And a few days ago, I received a really nice message on YouTube from some singer/teacher in France... I'll paste the email in here:

Just a suggestion... from another singer

Hello, Luindriel. You are musical. Your voice has real potential, but you're missing the level of relaxation & breath control that permits the tone to float. It's clear you want to sing, and you can teach yourself to sing in a way that will bring you great beauty, by going out to www.archive.org, and doing a search, texts only, on 'voice culture' and you can also get things from 'singing', but texts only. You will find a host of books written more than 100 years ago that will show you how to sing the way you obviously want to. At the moment, your vowels are poorly formed, but that's normal if no one has shown you how to do them so that they ring without pushing. Take your future into your own hands. I teach in France or I would offer to help in person. What you want is a beautiful free easy sound, and you can get it more quickly by relaxing your jaw, your tongue, your face even. That's just a smidgen of the kinds of great solutions you can find. I used these books to reset my own technique recently, and they work, as now I am singing better than ever. A good book to begin with is How to Breathe, Speak and Sing, which gets into the old Italian school, the secret of great singing. There's also a new book out by Denes Striny called 'Head First, the Language of the Head Voice' that talks about the same things but in simpler terms. Just skip through the secions on anatomy if you don't like them - they're not crucial. I guarantee you results, and it's free (Striny's book isn't, of course), and all the old books on singing can be downloaded. Great summer reading for a singer. Good luck, and I hope you keep singing.
Robin Hendrix, Perpignan, France

I replied, thanking her for taking the time to write and recommend things, and gave her a brief account of my singing history and background.

Her email really pointed out to me things I already knew but needed to hear - especially the very 2nd line - that I’m missing the level of relaxation and breath control that permits the tone to float. That’s exactly what I’ve been working on! A few weeks ago my teacher pointed out that I seem to always have fun... except when I’m on stage... So I’ll probably peek at some of the books she recommends. But the reason I’m sharing this is, how nice is it that some random person came across my videos and took the time to compose such a nice message? A change from some of the comments I’ve gotten on the videos, my favorite being, “stop sing!!!!!!!!!!!! you destroyed this beautiful peace!” on If Music Be the Food of Love. That may be, but please, if you're going to criticize, at least offer some suggestions for improvement?

What also stood out to me in the message, "Take your future into your own hands." Yes! I agree!! I have always believed that. It's good to hear it from someone else.

So I have a voice lesson today. I’ll have to remember to tell my teacher that I’m going to see Blondie in September!! Debbie Harry was her student back in the early 80s, back when I was singing along to Blondie into my hairbrush microphone in front of my bedroom mirror at the time. Yeah, that makes me giggle.

Suck it Up

You know how sometimes you're trying to learn something and you're just not getting it… then one day someone describes it in a different way, or uses a different word, and suddenly it all makes sense? That's what happened when I switched voice teachers a year ago… my current teacher had a different way of describing what I needed to do and suddenly it just clicked. I made a huge leap in my singing ability based on that… and while I've slowly continued to improve and refine my singing, I don't feel like I've made any huge leaps since then.

Then at my last lesson, we were doing vocal warm-ups at some lower notes and she said, "Think of sucking your voice up." I had been thinking along the lines of throwing it out between my eyes, focusing over my nose, or up and over inside my mouth and face. When she said to suck it up, I thought of trying to suck it into my skull. Of using my brain to pull it up there. That one word somehow made something click, and I was suddenly able to keep my voice up on top of the air at a note that I had struggled with before.

So off I go now, to suck it up.

Gremlins! Buh-Bye

I read the following post out loud to my teacher, before publishing it here:

******

Gremlins. Ah those sneaky little things. They get in and sabotage things. Only, they are ... me.

I sang in a recital on Saturday. And as usual, I did not perform as well as I wanted. Why? I kept asking myself. What was different on that day? And slowly I came to realize that I had sabotaged myself. It started with my general feeling of, “Everyone else is so good... why do they let me sing here.” The little gremlin on my shoulder poked me in the side of the neck and taunted in a deep gravelly voice, “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!”

Then the rehearsal, where I sang Ombra mai fu, and the call the next day. “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” taunted the gremlin. And not being listed on the program in the first place. “SEE!” croaked the goblin. “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” My rational side whispered, “But they do let me sing. I’m still singing. I AM good enough.” “NO YOU’RE NOT!” snapped the gremlin as he poked me in the neck.

During the week I saw my vocal coach. Corrected some rhythmic and phonetic problems. I sounded pretty good. I recorded it and practiced with it.

Then, the day of the recital. Packed house full of “important” people, ie, potential donors. One singer after another gets up and knocks ‘em dead with a fabulous performance. Then that damn gremlin showed up. “WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” poke poke poke. As I waited for my turn, I kept telling myself that that shaky feeling wasn’t fear, it was adrenaline. Well. That damn gremlin managed to knock down my self-esteem and I walked out onto stage nervous. “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! YOU’RE GOING TO CRACK! YOU’LL SEE!” I did my best at the time, but it definitely wasn’t my best. It was acceptable. And I didn’t crack because I safely went under the “flip” for the low notes, rather than trying to keep the air on top. I smiled and all, but I was miserable. Then afterwards, the comments from people... oy vey. How we choose to interpret things.

“You sounded a little nervous when you started... but you got better...”

“You’ve come a long way. And you LOOKED adorable.”

And my favorite, the condescending & sympathetic, “Was this your first time singing with the Opera Project?”

So I have a new goal. That pokey gremlin has been warned: Gremlins who poke will lose their fingers. (thanks to a twitter friend for that gem!) That gremlin has no role in my life. I have sent him floating off in a helium balloon. I know what I can do and how to do it.

I also have been able to look at this not as “yet another humiliation because YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH,” into, you’re ok, you can do better, every performance is a learning experience. I did watch the video and realize I wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was an acceptable performance. But I don’t want to deliver acceptable. I want to deliver, spectacular. I’m hoping to be able to sing Ombra mai fu at the next recital. No more of this “You’re not good enough,” no more poking. I’m going to get out there and show ‘em what I can do. Because you know what? I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!!

******

My teacher assured me that yes, I am indeed good enough. She thinks I have the potential to be really really great. I can produce some really beautiful sounds when warming up with scales and so on. All I need to do is consistently apply that to singing arias. I just have to practice staying on top of the air at all times. She also talked about comparing myself to others - which as even I know, is a no-no. I mean, I know how I'd respond to someone who read that gremlin essay to me.

So the next recital is June 11. She doesn't think I'll be ready for Ombra mai fu so we'll figure out what else I can sing. I'm sure we'll come up with something.

So anyway, this is what I wore for the recital:

And this is how I dressed when I got home that evening, to comfort myself in my gremlin-induced pity-party:

And yes, they are footie pajamas and the skulls do glow in the dark. Thank you, Target boys' department.

That Mushy Time Between Xmas & New Year's Eve

Oh dear. I believe this may be the longest I've gone without blogging. I apologize to my readers and to myself. And I blame Twitter. And Netflix. So many Dr.Who episodes, so little time!!!

My voice is improving little by little. I listen to my voice lessons and I practice, practice, practice. Mostly in the car, since that's really the only time I'm guaranteed to have to myself. I know it's not the most ideal situation but I have to make do. My next voice lesson is this coming Friday. Next Opera Project recital is… ? The upcoming performance is a composer's concert, featuring music of local composers. Then I think the next one after that will be in March. Hopefully I'll be chosen to sing in it. Oh and remember a few posts back I wrote about the possibility of a small part in an opera? Well, that fell through. Not sure if the part is being sung by someone else or if they removed it from the production. But it was nice to have people thinking of me as a possibility!

In professional performance news, someone I know (who happens to be a reader, you know who you are!) has these amazing photos from the performance of Billy Budd in Bilbao. I'm not sure where she got them from - they look like screen caps from a video. With her permission I'll post them here and/or to the Nathan Gunn Yahoo group. Here's a video from the production.

Speaking of Nathan Gunn, two (more) things.

Thing one: My brother and his family went to the family production of Magic Flute at the Met. They LOVED it. Even my brother, who was prepared not to like it, thought it was good. My sis-in-law said that Nathan was great. I kind of wish I had gone with them, even though I saw his Papageno back in April.

Thing two: Even though I'm not "into" Broadway, I still went and got tickets for this. Ann is coming out to join me and we'll be yukking it up in a hotel in NYC that night. Late night, post-performance Ben & Jerry's straight from the container, here we come! Maybe we'll even have spoons this time. I'll try to remember to pack a spork, just in case.

Same Old Story, With Giggles and a Dash of Hatred

Today I was given a gift of an extra, free, double-team voice lesson! My teacher will be unavailable for a while starting next week, and she wanted to see me again before the recital... and she had one of her friends come to the lesson too - another "retired" opera singer (go ahead, click the link!!) who teaches. She had been bragging to him about how much improvement I've made and how quickly I learn, so my goal of course was not to make her into a liar. I sang Lascia and Se Tu M'ami. He had some great advice about maintaining the legato. Same stuff I've heard a million times from other people, but somehow it gets through when you hear it in a new way. So then he had me singing the melodies just on ahhh before singing the actual words. I had been singing kind of choppy - like, when I started concentrating on keeping my voice on top of the air, I lost my legato. That's not unfamiliar to me, as you all know from my many prior posts about it. And then when I concentrate on my legato I lose the tone. But slowly, slowly, they're overlapping. I think of it like, legato is my right hand and tone is my left hand. Bit by bit the fingers are intertwining. And then, you know me, when I liked how I sounded I got the giggles. A giggle fit in the middle of my voice lesson. Again, not unfamiliar. I think they thought it was cute. I just get all giggly when I hear myself singing like that - I can't believe it's me, and then I laugh. But I managed to get myself under control and concentrate. Part of my problem was that I wasn't relaxed enough. Relax... relax... yeah ok gotta work on that one. But when I am relaxed and I do manage to get the legato and the tone all at once - WOW! And then... I giggle.

The giggling didn't end with the voice lesson. Later I was on a video chat with some of my new 30STM friends where we got very very silly. Giggling is good for the soul.

So since my teacher didn't charge me for the lesson, Alex and I went to the supermarket beforehand and he helped me pick out a nice selection of flowers to make into a pretty bouquet for her.

And speaking of Alex, I'm sad to say I had to remove all his videos from YouTube. A mom who checks for these things alerted me that a pedophile website had linked to them on a message board and there was a thread of comments there. And yes, I would like to find these people and strangle them all with my hands. However instead I immediately took down all the videos after downloading the YT stats for them. I then went to Wikisposure, looked at each person's profile and blocked the ones who are on YouTube. I also reported them to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Somehow I managed NOT to barf on my keyboard while doing all this, although I did have a good cry about it in the car while blasting some angst-ridden 30 Seconds to Mars songs. So bye bye Beethoven's Wig videos. Guess I won't be making any more. I will hopefully be able to harness that rage and anger if an aria calls for it. Not to say that there's anything good about the incident. I've just never experienced such strong feelings of hatred, anger or outrage before.

My next lesson is on Monday, and then I don't know when my teacher will be available to resume giving lessons. Luckily her friend who was there today said that he'd teach me in the meantime. A male voice teacher - should be interesting. He was great today, telling me stuff, getting all animated, so I think it'd be fun. I had been wondering what to do while she was unavailable. Now I know.

30 Seconds to Opera

After a few formatting ups and downs, it looks like they've smoothed out the glitches in the Opera Project website... now look! I'm number 3 on the page. You know, the one with the two-line bio, sandwiched in between the long paragraphs that describe everyone else's accomplishments. But the point is, I'm there!! I'm not TOO intimidated! How in the world did I end up on this list with all these accomplished singers? I feel like someone is going to suddenly realize I don't belong there, because I still can't believe it myself.

So after this week's lesson we decided that I will sing Laschia ch'io pianga for the recital. The rehearsal is Sept 12. I can't wait to sing this in an echoing church. I'll have to put my imaginary cupola man up in the rose window. I showed his picture to my teacher



and she agreed that he's worth singing to! Hahaha!! Me and my silly celebrity crushes. But hey, whatever works to get me on top of the air. This week, it's this. Ask again next week.

I just have to laugh at myself here. I mean, come ON. Look at me. I'm singing to a tiny Jared Leto up in a cupola in a painting. And the other crazy thing is, I actually totally love his band. I mean, it's nuts. They are called 30 Seconds to Mars and they sound like a conglomeration of all my favorite 80s bands rolled into one. They have a cult following that just fascinates me. If I were a teenager I'd be in the cult. I could let myself fall into the cult now, if I weren't old enough to be the mother of most of the other fans. But they do some really fascinating stuff with their music, incorporating the audience as part of it, which is just amazing to me. As usual, click through to YouTube if the blog format cuts off the video window.



And they did this all over the world, and then had people record themselves, and they combined all the recordings into tracks on their album.

This track, for example, starts with the crowd making a tone and just bringing it up.



And the live footage on YouTube is amazing. They have so much energy. The intensity is not unlike opera. The music is different, but the feeling is the same. I mean, I'm sitting here, listening to This is War because it's playing in the window I opened to get the code, and I'm punching the air. And then laughing at myself for doing it. And yes, I do laugh at the pink mohawk. And yeah, I guess rock singers are allowed to go flat occasionally. I do cringe at the occasional flat notes and the sometimes screechy voice. On the other hand, I do love hearing the audience sing along. Look at the related videos to see more live footage - but beware, it's not all safe for work. The language is colorful, if you get my meaning. Just like his hair. But according to Twitter, the mohawk (now bleached white) was cut off today.

They play these giant arenas in Europe, but are still on the small club circuit here in the U.S. I would love to see them before they hit arena status here. They're actually playing about 2.5 hours from here this coming weekend, but it's just a wee bit too far for a solo round trip. I don't know anyone who would go with me. It's also a holiday weekend and the venue happens to be down the shore (that's, at the beach for people who are NOT from New Jersey) so the commute is probably more like 5 hours. On the other hand, tickets are only $25. So now I'm hoping that they come to Philadelphia in the near future, like maybe they can jam a date in there while they're in the area.

So, back to the opera. I'm starting to get excited to see Cosi in November. I have an extra pair of tickets for Le Comte Ory for Sat, April 2, Grand Tier Rear. Trying to figure out how to unload them. Craigslist? Ebay? One of those ticket brokers, like Stub Hub? A loyal reader here?

And getting back to Twitter... I've suddenly been really active there. Find me there and follow me!

Matching It Up

Every week I take Alex to a swimming class. The pool is indoors at a nearby school. It's echoing and chaotic. I sit sweating in the stands, taking advantage of the enforced sitting time to read my music.

I want to learn as much of the music I'm working on as I can while I'm NOT in a lesson, so that during the lesson we can focus on singing. I had been having trouble matching the words with the notes for El Majo Discreto so finally I read along while listening on YouTube. Then today during the swimming lesson I tapped out the rhythm and (very quietly) chanted the words, over and over. I realized after listening on YouTube that the triplets were mixing me up. Once again my lack of musical background is getting in the way. I sort of figured out and sort of remembered that the triplet has to fit in the space like a regular note (sorry to the musically knowledgeable, I know there are real terms for all this). Basically, what it boils down to is, I had been giving them too much time and then getting all off beat. So I adjusted how I'd been thinking about the syllables that are attached to those notes and suddenly it all made sense. I can now match the words with the music.

My teacher will be away this coming week so I'll have plenty of time to learn as much of that piece as I can, along with another one she suggested I learn called Songs As Mother Sang Them. Or Songs My Mother Taught Me. I've seen both titles. So in order not to confuse myself with the words, but to help me learn the melody (since my iPhone suddenly refused to record any more voice memos after the warmup of my last lesson, and I'm trying not to take that personally) I've been listening to this one. I'm learning it in English so I'll eventually match up the words to the melody by reading along. I don't always have the luxury of having the music in front of me, or of being able to sing along, or pause and repeat, so I do what I can.

Today I had some time home alone (a rarity!) so I recorded myself singing Lascia Ch'io Pianga to see how I looked and sounded. How I looked was, I had my eyes closed too much and how I sounded was, I still need to work on the legato, but I was able to get my voice on top of the air for most of it. So while the video came out ok, I'm not going to post it because I know I can do better. Legato, legato, legato. Next time I'll swan my arm back and forth as a reminder. Won't that look lovely. Hopefully I won't also sound like a swan.

Reading the Notes

Just glanced at the blog and realized that there's no way I can keep that monk photo from the previous entry at the top for any longer, so I decided to write about, what else, singing.

I'm learning a song in Spanish called El Majo Discreto. After all this time of my Spanish knowledge interfering with my Italian, now that I'm singing something in Spanish I find that the Italian is interfering! Go figure.

My teacher suggested that I figure out how to play it on the piano, so I sat down and actually did the "Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge" and "FACE" thing to work out the notes and hand write them in on top of the staff. I even remembered the sharps... which I also had to figure out with the fudgeface saying. Then I sat at the piano and plunked it out. It definitely does help me to learn the melody faster than I would if I just listened to it. I actually like playing it on the piano. If I get myself into a certain state of relaxed awareness I can play along by looking at the music. Oh is that reading the music? I guess? But I have to concentrate and get to this place where my fingers just find the right notes on the keys. Normally I don't have enough time to myself to do that for long periods of time. And it's just the melody, not the chords or anything like that. But somehow my brain sees the jumps on the staff and can translate that to jumps in the keys with my fingers. I guess I can do it with my voice too. Wow... Am I actually learning to read music? I still have to count the staff to know the letter of the note, although I know where they all are on the piano without having to count from any specific location. Perhaps I just need more practice identifying the notes on the staff so I can do it at a glance. So maybe I've just suggested to myself that I learn to read music. Fascinating. Maybe I'll study up on that a bit. My problem is that I'll want to know all the fancy complicated stuff all at once, when I should go little by little. Then I'll get impatient, then frustrated with myself. Then I'll get over it, and then I'll learn it for real. Wish me luck.

Patience

Trying to figure out this vocal thing here. Consistency. Want it. Don't have it.

I can do the warm-up exercises great. I can do all the notes on all the vowels. Too bad I can't do a recital of vocal runs. So why do I lose it during certain (read: higher) parts of the songs?

Here's what I think is happening and what I'm planning on doing about it. This is in no particular order:

For one thing, I have to forget about the consonants. The l and the r bog me down. Gotta just forget that they exist.

I've made up vocal exercises using the runs that are causing me trouble. I do the notes in order but up and down the scale. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

When I do that, and when I sing the songs, I'm being very very conscious of my breath. What I mean is, I'm really filling up, expanding my rib cage, and really steadily pulling my abs in as the air comes out. I have to trust my throat will make the right notes, so I can give the air flow the attention it needs. So for the songs I'm doing one section at a time, consciously filling up and letting the air out.

I understand now what my previous teacher meant when she said to think of all the notes on one plane. Because when I have the air in the right place, the notes really are all there in that place. It feels great, it sounds great. I understand. The high notes are no different from the lower ones. I understand!!! Now I just need to convince myself and do it more. And do it more in order to convince myself.

Also I have to go back to the "basics" of legato - of not touching the ending consonant of a word until the beginning of the next word.

I feel like I'm back at that place where I have to hold all these three-dimensional shapes together in the space in my head. I have to concentrate, and at the same time, sort of relax and let them go. It's kind of like when you blur your vision to see those 3d pictures. Did I mention that the last time I wrote about this? With those, once you start to see something you can relax and just let your brain focus on what's there.

I trust the concept of "muscle memory." I want my body to just relax and do what I'm training it to do. I can get there. I just have to be patient. Wish me luck with that.

Practicing

This is definitely a work in progress. My goal is to take the parts that sound pretty and apply it to the notes that don't. I hear all the bad ones, trust me.

I also need to learn the part in the middle... you can see/hear that it's a bit mushy.

Like I said, it's Work In Progress.



I recorded a little of Lascia ch'io pianga also, but for some reason the sound didn't take. Maybe the movie program is trying to tell me something?

Telephone Excitement

Had a great voice lesson the other day!!! I've been practicing riding my voice on top of the airstream and WOW it really makes a difference. My teacher was excited too - she actually called a colleague (someone I've met before) and we left a message on his answering machine of me singing, and then she was all exited to tell him (on the machine) that it was me. She said they're all supporting me and wanting me to do well. Can I express in words here how it feels to hear that?? No, I cannot. But let me just say, it feels nice. It feels great. Like, weepy great. I didn't actually weep (apparently I save that for the opera house) but it was very nice to hear. Eventually I'll post a recording here to share my progress. I sound like someone else. Sometimes I have to stop and think, Is that me? Who is that? Oh, it IS me. So hard to explain. What a change, what a difference. I promise, I'll get a recording up soon. Soonish.

Vocal Hormones

Not much to post but I feel the need to write... something... so I'm going with another one of those, "open the window and the words will come" moments.

Ok, here's something I've noticed over the past... well, more than the past year. I hope it's not a TMI type entry... that said...

Monthly cycles. We've all heard (unless you haven't, in which case, now you have) that the hormone changes affect your voice. Water retention and who knows what else, right? Well for me, I have noticed that just before my period, during the infamous PMS time when I hate everyone and everything, my voice sounds great. To me. Fascinating, because you'd think that I'd be even harsher on myself at that particular time in my cycle, since I am for everything else about myself. The mom guilt, the extra weight and so on... but I am pleased by how I can sing during PMS. In fact I can tell by the change in my voice that my period is coming in a few days. How wacky is that? Imagine how I'd feel about how I sound then if I sounded that way two weeks later. Or earlier. You do the math.
So I feel lucky that while I'm busy beating myself up for all the other stupid stuff, I don't do it about my singing. And also I know that if I ever do get the urge to have my singing skills beaten down during that time, I can always call my mom and sing for her. As much as she'll brag to the relatives, she doesn't hesitate to tell me to stop singing. At least she's consistent. Just like the monthly changes in my voice.

Happy Birthday!

To me!!! The boys sang to me, reminding me again that I didn't marry Husband for his ability to carry a tune... cuz he dropped it all over the place. And of course I remember that two years ago yesterday I was in that hallway at the Met stage door, chatting with Juan Diego Florez and trying to get a decent pic with the iPhone.

Still don't know if I'm singing in the upcoming Opera Project recital. I'll go either way. I mean, obviously I'd go if I were singing... duh... but also I'll go if I'm not.

Today Alex and I sang together on the swing set. His current obsessions are Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Not only does he know all the music from all of the movies he's seen so far (3 of each!) he also has the Wii Lego game for each and knows all the music for each level in each movie on the games. He can explain the difference between the music of each movie in the Lego game and the actual movie ... and the differences in the theme songs between movies... and he knows the music for each character. He knows the backgrounds and the main melodies. He's taught me the background music so I can chant that while he does the melody. And we do all this while swinging on the swing set. In the correct pitch of course!! It's great fun... and no doubt tedious as heck to anyone else.

Mental Prep

Tomorrow is the Opera Project recital! So of course I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, and today I have swollen glands. Not too congested... mainly the throat. I hummed a bit in the shower this morning and then sang a few scales - the voice seems ok. I just practiced a bit, to get the breathing thing going on those trouble spots, and now my throat is a little sore and my head is a little spinny. However, I think I'm slowly figuring out, layer by layer, how to attack those sections of the song.

There's one section that comes really easily to me - 4:26 to 4:34 here. (And my fantasy, of course, is to sound as beautiful as she does.) But for some reason I was having trouble with 4:19-4:22. It was the whole mental thing ... I anticipated it and tensed up... same old story. So I separated my brain out to pay attention to my body in that later part, then I applied that to the earlier part, and it worked. Basically, it comes not only to using the low abs for the breath, but also to trust myself to do it. When I relax and just let it happen, it sounds so much better than when I think about it. I know the words, I know the notes, I know the rhythm. I don't need to think about it. I do at some points need to think about where to breathe, to remind myself to take a breath, but the rest, I have to just trust my body to do its thing. So the next thing I need to trust it to do is not go all hoarse on me tomorrow.

I got the program for the evening. I'm in act 2 which means I'll have time to warm up during intermission. Good. One less thing for me to wonder and worry about.

Deep breath... relax... go.

Still My Own Worst Critic

At my voice lesson this week my teacher insisted that I did a fine job. She said that we are our own worst critics... yep I've heard that before!! She also pointed out that I know what I can do in her studio or at home, and even if I didn't believe that my performance at the recital was as good as I believe I could be, the audience doesn't know it, and on its own, comparing it to nothing, I was fine. We talked about the unexpected things that can happen during a live performance, for example, expecting a chord and getting a note. That wasn't such a big deal for me, but it was an example. We talked about what was going through my mind and about how the more you do it, the more you learn... yeah yeah. I know. It was part counseling/cheerleader session, part voice lesson.

We worked a little on Art is Calling for Me, and then we're going to choose the next thing to work on. I want to sing Nel cor piu non mi sento. Since I'll be seeing Eglise as Lucia on Thursday, here she is to show us how it should be sung. And then I won't listen to it again until after I've learned it...



My teacher has another German lieder piece she'd like me to look at. Then eventually we'll go back to Gretchen, after she rests in the back of my brain for a while. That was a good tactic with Una Donna and Batti Batti, so hopefully Gretchen will work the same way. Or my brain will work the same way. Or something.

Day after tomorrow we head to sunny Florida and Thursday is Lucia di Lammermoor with Florida Grand Opera. There has been so much other stuff going on that I keep forgetting first about the trip and then second that we're going to the opera this week. Once I show up for the flight and then at the theater I imagine my brain will catch up with my body.

Rehearsalish Time

That recital I'm singing in is next week. Of course the rehearsal with the accompanist is next Thursday, when I'm going to see Carmen at the Met. So instead I'm meeting the accompanist in my teacher's studio tonight for a quick run-through. We were joking that I couldn't make the original rehearsal date because I'm making an appearance at the Met... in the audience! Yuk yuk yuk what a jokester. Haha sorry.

Breaking news unrelated to the title of the post:

Billy Budd at the Met the year after next. A friend heard from a Very Reliable Source *cough* that Our Favorite Baritone will be singing the title role. Nothing has been officially announced but the source is Very Reliable so odds are that the contracts have been signed. So we have Die Zauberflote this season, Cosi next season and Billy Budd the following year. Keep saving those pennies!

Random Pamina

Here's something random and fun.

A friend at work convinced me to come out to dinner tonight to a local restaurant I've passed countless times but for whatever reason have never been to before. Husband and Alex came too because I was in one of those moods where I wanted to go out but also wanted to be with my boys.

So during the meal I heard the opening notes of Ave Maria. Before I had a chance to say, "That sounds like Ave Maria," the hostess at the restaurant began to sing. Beautiful, beautiful voice. When she was done the CD began to play the next track - the vocal accompaniment to Ach il fuhl's, Pamina's aria from Die Zauberflote. So the next time she passed our table I stopped her, told her how lovely her voice is and said that I expected to hear her sing Pamina next when the music started. She got so excited - turns out she's a grad student in voice and is singing Pamina this coming spring for a performance in her program. She was working at the restaurant while home on Winter break. We chatted a little bit about studying voice. I told her how Alex loves Magic Flute and used to watch the Met's English version and she cut me off and said, "Oh, with Nathan Gunn. Isn't he the best Papageno?" Ha! Um, yeah. So the conversation went there for a few minutes, got sort of silly, we compared notes of opera singers we've met and operas we like and then she sang Pamina. It was really nice. Alex was fading fast as it was well past his bedtime, but he sat on my lap and went into his Opera Trance, with that smile that he gets on his face.

Totally random. Love it.