Glittery!

The Opera Project WING concert was fun!!! The first part was scenes from Magic Flute, dialogue and some songs in English, some in German. It was cute! It’s amazing to hear these gorgeous, gorgeous voices coming out of such young bodies! Some of the girls are in 8th grade. How old is that, 14?

 
Here’s the Iolanthe scene:



 

See that tall girl with the long, dark hair, all the way to the left? Listen to her when she sings. Then remind yourself that she’s in EIGHTH GRADE! Imagine that voice in 10 years! We had a lot of fun with that scene. Some of it was improvised. I actually got some of my lines wrong, using words that have the same meaning, but still… not the right words. For example, my line was, “He’s extremely pretty,” but for some reason I said, “He’s exceptionally pretty.” Why? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. We had a lot of fun, also backstage was fun sharing glitter makeup to make everyone more fairy-like.

Before Iolanthe, I sang Sposa:

As usual, I hear all the mistakes… especially that weirdo crack sound near the end… a sound I have never ever made before in my life, and couldn’t reproduce if I wanted to. It was as if a gallon of mucous suddenly poured out over my vocal chords. Most people told me they didn’t even hear it. It seems so LOUD to me but I’m taking their word for it. I did pretty well otherwise, although I know I can sound richer. I was a little nervous, you can hear it in the 2nd syllable when I first started to sing. But I’ve practiced the song so much that the nervousness sort of went away as I continued singing. In the past, it used to creep up and get worse, so there’s something.

I was thinking this weekend how thankful I am that the Guy In Charge of the Opera Project saw my potential back when I auditioned… him letting me sing with the group opened up a whole world of singing to me, allowed me to find a great teacher and gave me these opportunities to grow and perform that I never would have had otherwise. I should write him a note. Although how to do that, without being awkward? Hmm. Maybe I’ll tell him, the next time I see him.

A Paying Gig!

Whew. Finally I'm not totally embarrassed by a performance. I say not TOTALLY because of course there's always something that makes me cringe. Like in this past performance, finally, finally, I didn't crack and I kept my voice on top of the air, for the most part. But then…why was I channeling Stevie Wonder? I mean, he's blind…he doesn't know that people don't usually waggle back and forth when they sing. I have no excuse. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

There was no rehearsal with the accompanist before this concert, and I was singing something that we hadn't practiced before, so I actually took a photo of the music and emailed it to the accompanist. Then I went up an hour and a half early to run through it with him before the show.

I wore the same cocktail dress and hot pink feather hairband that I wore to the last concert:

But I waited until I got to the venue to pull on the restrictive, flesh-squashing underwear. Wouldn't you?

Before the concert began, one of the guys gave me a pep talk. He said he wanted to work on me with my self-esteem - that I'm just as good as everyone else in the group and to just get out there and have fun. He kept telling me how far I've come in just a year and how gutsy that is. It doesn't FEEL gutsy. It just is what it is. But he was right, as I watched the other performers that night I realized that I was on par with them.

Before I sang I invoked the presence of all my dead, opera-loving relatives - my grandfather, an aunt and an uncle. I was focusing on my aunt mostly, but I swear I felt like my grandfather bumped into my right side. It sounds crazy. Probably just wishful thinking. I mean, I was thinking actively about them, and then it felt like he was there, to my left. I don't have that feeling now. I'm trying to feel it as I type this. It's not there. So who knows. I'm the biggest skeptic there is so I don't even believe myself.

So here we go, Sento nel Core, by Donaudy:

So my next goal is to work on STANDING STILL!!!

After we all sang, the owner of the winery gave us each two bottles of wine! My first paid gig. Paid in wine... that works for me.

Then I got in the car, pulled off the flesh-compressing underwear and drove home.

Now I have the whole summer to build up a little rep... maybe I'll be able to sing TWO pieces at a concert next season.

Gremlins! Buh-Bye

I read the following post out loud to my teacher, before publishing it here:

******

Gremlins. Ah those sneaky little things. They get in and sabotage things. Only, they are ... me.

I sang in a recital on Saturday. And as usual, I did not perform as well as I wanted. Why? I kept asking myself. What was different on that day? And slowly I came to realize that I had sabotaged myself. It started with my general feeling of, “Everyone else is so good... why do they let me sing here.” The little gremlin on my shoulder poked me in the side of the neck and taunted in a deep gravelly voice, “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!”

Then the rehearsal, where I sang Ombra mai fu, and the call the next day. “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” taunted the gremlin. And not being listed on the program in the first place. “SEE!” croaked the goblin. “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” My rational side whispered, “But they do let me sing. I’m still singing. I AM good enough.” “NO YOU’RE NOT!” snapped the gremlin as he poked me in the neck.

During the week I saw my vocal coach. Corrected some rhythmic and phonetic problems. I sounded pretty good. I recorded it and practiced with it.

Then, the day of the recital. Packed house full of “important” people, ie, potential donors. One singer after another gets up and knocks ‘em dead with a fabulous performance. Then that damn gremlin showed up. “WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” poke poke poke. As I waited for my turn, I kept telling myself that that shaky feeling wasn’t fear, it was adrenaline. Well. That damn gremlin managed to knock down my self-esteem and I walked out onto stage nervous. “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! YOU’RE GOING TO CRACK! YOU’LL SEE!” I did my best at the time, but it definitely wasn’t my best. It was acceptable. And I didn’t crack because I safely went under the “flip” for the low notes, rather than trying to keep the air on top. I smiled and all, but I was miserable. Then afterwards, the comments from people... oy vey. How we choose to interpret things.

“You sounded a little nervous when you started... but you got better...”

“You’ve come a long way. And you LOOKED adorable.”

And my favorite, the condescending & sympathetic, “Was this your first time singing with the Opera Project?”

So I have a new goal. That pokey gremlin has been warned: Gremlins who poke will lose their fingers. (thanks to a twitter friend for that gem!) That gremlin has no role in my life. I have sent him floating off in a helium balloon. I know what I can do and how to do it.

I also have been able to look at this not as “yet another humiliation because YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH,” into, you’re ok, you can do better, every performance is a learning experience. I did watch the video and realize I wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was an acceptable performance. But I don’t want to deliver acceptable. I want to deliver, spectacular. I’m hoping to be able to sing Ombra mai fu at the next recital. No more of this “You’re not good enough,” no more poking. I’m going to get out there and show ‘em what I can do. Because you know what? I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!!

******

My teacher assured me that yes, I am indeed good enough. She thinks I have the potential to be really really great. I can produce some really beautiful sounds when warming up with scales and so on. All I need to do is consistently apply that to singing arias. I just have to practice staying on top of the air at all times. She also talked about comparing myself to others - which as even I know, is a no-no. I mean, I know how I'd respond to someone who read that gremlin essay to me.

So the next recital is June 11. She doesn't think I'll be ready for Ombra mai fu so we'll figure out what else I can sing. I'm sure we'll come up with something.

So anyway, this is what I wore for the recital:

And this is how I dressed when I got home that evening, to comfort myself in my gremlin-induced pity-party:

And yes, they are footie pajamas and the skulls do glow in the dark. Thank you, Target boys' department.

Recital Report... Video to follow

The recital went pretty well! Of course I think I could have done better, but I think I did ok.
I had a lot of fun. I feel so privileged to be able to perform with the Opera Project. Everyone is so talented! It's great fun to hear, support and encourage each other.

When I got there I realized that the tags were still attached to my skirt! So I was up in the green room (also known as the preschool classroom at the church where we perform) with my hands down the back of the skirt to tear them out when one of the other singers, an older guy, walked in. Oops, caught me with my hands down my skirt! The skirt was so long that I kept stepping on it on the stairs until I just gave up and hiked it up past my knees when I was on the stairs. That was interesting since of course I was wearing knee-high hose... but luckily the only stairs were the ones leading to the green room... through an area that was under construction... so the steps are splattered with paint, the railings are covered with drop-cloths, the floors are bare plywood and there is large equipment in the corners - big saws with jagged blades and I don't know what else... because there were no lights over the stairs. Fun!! All part of the adventure.

We forgot to bring the camera, so Husband made a video with his iPhone. It's taking forever to load so I'll publish it later... for now... Not sure what I was doing with my arms ... have to remember to let them just hang next time. You'll see what I mean if/when the video ever loads!

...

Later: I gave up and uploaded it to YouTube. Here it is:

Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Wow that was SO MUCH FUN!!! I loved performing tonight!! I started out a bit wobbly. I know I made some mistakes, and there are a few cracks in there, and so on, but it didn't matter. I had a blast!







Everyone did pretty well except for the poor girl who went right after me. She's 11 years old. Yes, 11. She pulled a total Cindy Brady and just froze up there. She looked down and mumbled the songs, forgot the words, plundered on through, but she stayed up there through both songs! She sat and cried through the rest of the evening. She was so brave to stay up there! As soon as it was over I went over to tell her how brave I thought she was, and how it'll get easier, and so on.

At the end I gave flowers to my teacher and the accompanist. Then I went out with a friend who had come to support me. Husband had already left with 5 year old Alex (I still CANNOT believe that he's FIVE!!!) pretty much right after I performed, as it would have been asking far too much of Alex to have him sit still and quietly through all the other singers.

Now I want to perform again. It gets easier every time. More, I want more! Wheeeeeee!!!!!

Confused Self-Assessment

So I look at the Papageno video and I think, Yikes, how terrible. Then I think, Ok, it's not that bad. Then, Oh yes it is. We were too fast, I sound like air leaking out of a balloon SQUEEEEEEAAAAAK and OOPS I sang the wrong words once! But in spite of all that, all these people came up to me at work today to say how impressed they were. So I have come to the conclusion that while they think they're impressed with my singing, what they're really impressed with is the fact that I'd get up in front of a crowd and make the attempt.

Our director left me a very long, very nice voicemail message this morning, not only about the singing and the dance, but also that my exuberance and excitement sort of set the example for everyone else - that I became a sort of leader. She said something like, "You showed everyone that not only were you a diva with your singing, and you impressed everyone with those high notes, you were also willing to do the boring stuff in the chorus, and you volunteered to do other menial type tasks, and you handled the technical glitch so smoothly, and you sang along with Paper Moon without really knowing it..." On and on. My thought about being stage manager was, hey, I get to boss people around! And I actually did have to sort of push some people onto the stage before they felt they should enter. But we wanted a seamless show without any dead space so that was the only way to do it. Seriously though it was such a nice message - I got a little weepy listening to it. I was just being myself yesterday - I had no idea I was setting an example. Glad it was a good one. For a change. Hahahaha!

The Thing Tonight!

Just got home from the final run-through rehearsal for tonight's thing. They've redone the order of the acts and now our Papageno duet is the 2nd act. I'm disappointed because Paper Moon is nice and low - it really warms me up nicely. Not that I don't warm up before - I do - but singing Paper Moon actually does make my throat feel warm. Now that's near the end. Oh well.

We had the accompanist today, and while it wasn't a total disaster, it wasn't good. We couldn't get the tempo and kept losing our place. Turns out my partner and I both practiced along with the instrumental version on the Very Best Opera CD, so we decided to sing with that instead. They have an iPod player and a CD player so we did get a chance to practice.

Now I have a few hours before I have to figure out what to wear and get back there... my goal is to NOT sing between now and then, which is hard since I'm always absentmindedly singing something. The director wants me to lead the chorus in a warm-up in some little room somewhere before we begin. Yes that does sound vague, because it is. Then I have to remember to stand up straight, breathe low in my body, make eye contact, use those abs, relax the jaw and just have fun. And I believe the evening will be fun. We have ballroom dancers, martial arts demonstrations, a yoga demonstration, poetry readings, skits and music. There's a silent auction and there will be food. Hopefully we'll raise a nice chunk of change for our ill coworker.

Let... Me? Entertain You

Ahhh the fun never ends.

I posted a few days ago about this benefit talent show thingee we're doing at work to help raise money for a very ill coworker. Now if you recall, we have this sort of makeshift chorus at work. We'll be singing a song to open and close the show. A very talented coworker has revised the lyrics of "Let Me Entertain You" and "There's No Business Like Show Business" so they now reference the coworker and where we work. We had a mini-rehearsal today to learn the songs. I walked in about 3 minutes late to, "Oh great! She's here."

"She's here?" I thought...

"Susan, we've volunteered you for something."

"Okayyyy.... what?"

"Oh, you'll see. A special solo, sort of. You'll love it. It'll get you ready for your role in Abduction."

Riiiight. The role in which I'll be in a bra top and see-through pants. In a theater. Not at work...

So we go over the songs and then our "director" says, "Ok Susan, here's your part. The 2nd time we go through "Let Me Entertain You" you'll pop out from behind everyone and do this to people... " and she came over and basically did a G-rated lambada-style lappish dance sort of next to and sort of... on... me. And then, "Can you wear something revealing? Maybe under another shirt so you can take off the first shirt and surprise everyone?" Wait, what??? This is for a work-related event. A benefit for a guy who is young enough to be my child. But... what the hey, it'll be fun. Then we rehearsed it, which was interesting since there was only 1 man in the room and he happens to be gay. I guess that just made it feel safer for me. So that was fun, and I was thinking, "Ok, I can drape over my fellow chorus members..." and then she hit me with, "So you'll go out into the audience and pick people to dance on."

Scrrreeeeech. <--- That's the sound of my brakes screeching.

Excuse me? Into the audience? Will they give me tips? Because I'm not rubbing up against unsuspecting coworkers unless there's something in it for me. But seriously, I'm not quite sure about that part. I may have to plant people in the audience, people with whom I'd be comfortable doing the lambada lap dance. Husband and Alex will be there, so maybe it can be them... Otherwise, I'm sticking to the chorus, thankyouverymuch. At least they'll all be standing...

Cattle Call!

Well, it happened. I sang for People yesterday. Luckily it was totally unplanned and a friendly crowd so there were no pre-singing nerves or jitters.

What happened was, the mother of one of our friends is getting surgery this coming week to get a mass removed. She is freaking out, naturally, that it might be malignant. She thinks of all of her son's friends as her "children," so she decided to have all of us over. She's your typical overly-dramatic Italian mother so, although we were all happy to go, there was this sense of, "You all have to come see me b/c it could be the last time..." Catholic/mother/Jewish (for some of us) guilt surrounding the invitation. However, it was a nice evening. At one point one of our friends pulled out his very beautiful tenor ukulele and started singing Eddie Arnold songs, which our friend's mother happens to love. I can't explain how surreal it was as we sat there singing Cattle Call, complete with the yodeling. (Go ahead, click on the link!!) And were weren't even drinking that much. Certainly not enough to break into yodeling. I joked that I could sing in Italian for her but it would have to be opera, and she was totally into it. Said she loved that scene in Moonstruck when they played that song from "that opera where the girl dies of TB," that it always makes her cry. So since she was already weepy from the Eddie Arnold, we started with sad and I sang, a capella, Lasciatemi Morire. Then I did Una Donna a quindicci anni, again with no music. I have the instrumentals on my iPod so I gave a listen to get the right starting note. I had been practicing Una Donna over the past few weeks and I really got into the character, without (I hope) compromising my singing technique. I mean, I'm sure my teacher or any other professional singer could have pointed out ways to improve... but I digress... So I explained each piece beforehand, including the opera, the context and the gist of the song. And of course I know I can sing better than I did - it was so on the spot - but I only got nervous a little partway through Lasciatemi, for some reason. Everyone applauded and hooted and were all excited - it was weird. All I could think was, "If you think I'm so good, then you obviously haven't heard real opera singers..." I mean, I was ok, like, I'm not embarrassed, which is something, but I know I can do better. Having the music would have helped. I think much of their reaction was due to the surprise factor - I've known this group of friends for like 15 years and none of them knew I had it in me. Plus the Italian - the guy who sang with the uke told me that he doesn't believe he could ever learn "all those words" in another language. My friend's mom is Italian and told me she could understand all the lyrics, which was cool. In true dramatic Italian mother style, she was just gushing about "a gift, a beautiful gift," but then she said I had to hear this singer, Paul Potts, he won a competition and he's the best opera singer ever. Amazing how hearing that can change your view of someone's praise. I mean he's not bad, but... it's obvious to me at least that he's not a professional. He must have a great deal of charisma as he has somehow charmed so many people. So then of course I played some Juan Diego for her. At first she said, "Oh, Paul Potts is as good as this guy..." but as she listened more it was obvious that she changed her mind. Nothing against Paul Potts - but he's no Juan Diego Florez.