Off I Go

I'm going to Florida tomorrow and won't be back until Monday. Here's some stuff to hold you over until then. This is all part of my "sing like no one is listening" attempt.

Yet another video of this. I never give up.



And this:



There's one more... if only I could get it to upload. But if you click through those to YouTube (and you should, so you can rate and comment... PLEASE comment with suggestions!!!) you'll see the other. If it ever uploads. Otherwise, you can see it here:
Still Singing Like No One Is Listening - Vedrai Carino



Finally, something professional. I love love love this:

Take 2

Remember this? Here's a more recent version. As in, 20 minutes ago...

I laugh at the end when the cat walks past and her tail goes in front of the camera. But since it's also cat-pic Friday, I'm going with it. Plus it gets me out of singing that one tricky part. Yes I hear all the mistakes. Vertical space. Low breath. Bring the sound forward. I'm working on it. Also, I was working hard on standing still because I tend to move when I sing, and when I watched the first few videos that I made before this one, I thought it was distracting. So consider this another Work In Progress, and I do feel that, comparing it to the last one, that I have made a little progress. Like, a smidgen. A smudge. A dot. There's still all this wide open landscape of progress ahead of me... but the only way to get there is one step at a time, and I'm sharing these steps with you because it's more fun than going alone, don't you think?

I've been studying voice now for about 14 months and I can tell you that I never would have imagined I could sing anything like this before I began my lessons.

Cattle Call!

Well, it happened. I sang for People yesterday. Luckily it was totally unplanned and a friendly crowd so there were no pre-singing nerves or jitters.

What happened was, the mother of one of our friends is getting surgery this coming week to get a mass removed. She is freaking out, naturally, that it might be malignant. She thinks of all of her son's friends as her "children," so she decided to have all of us over. She's your typical overly-dramatic Italian mother so, although we were all happy to go, there was this sense of, "You all have to come see me b/c it could be the last time..." Catholic/mother/Jewish (for some of us) guilt surrounding the invitation. However, it was a nice evening. At one point one of our friends pulled out his very beautiful tenor ukulele and started singing Eddie Arnold songs, which our friend's mother happens to love. I can't explain how surreal it was as we sat there singing Cattle Call, complete with the yodeling. (Go ahead, click on the link!!) And were weren't even drinking that much. Certainly not enough to break into yodeling. I joked that I could sing in Italian for her but it would have to be opera, and she was totally into it. Said she loved that scene in Moonstruck when they played that song from "that opera where the girl dies of TB," that it always makes her cry. So since she was already weepy from the Eddie Arnold, we started with sad and I sang, a capella, Lasciatemi Morire. Then I did Una Donna a quindicci anni, again with no music. I have the instrumentals on my iPod so I gave a listen to get the right starting note. I had been practicing Una Donna over the past few weeks and I really got into the character, without (I hope) compromising my singing technique. I mean, I'm sure my teacher or any other professional singer could have pointed out ways to improve... but I digress... So I explained each piece beforehand, including the opera, the context and the gist of the song. And of course I know I can sing better than I did - it was so on the spot - but I only got nervous a little partway through Lasciatemi, for some reason. Everyone applauded and hooted and were all excited - it was weird. All I could think was, "If you think I'm so good, then you obviously haven't heard real opera singers..." I mean, I was ok, like, I'm not embarrassed, which is something, but I know I can do better. Having the music would have helped. I think much of their reaction was due to the surprise factor - I've known this group of friends for like 15 years and none of them knew I had it in me. Plus the Italian - the guy who sang with the uke told me that he doesn't believe he could ever learn "all those words" in another language. My friend's mom is Italian and told me she could understand all the lyrics, which was cool. In true dramatic Italian mother style, she was just gushing about "a gift, a beautiful gift," but then she said I had to hear this singer, Paul Potts, he won a competition and he's the best opera singer ever. Amazing how hearing that can change your view of someone's praise. I mean he's not bad, but... it's obvious to me at least that he's not a professional. He must have a great deal of charisma as he has somehow charmed so many people. So then of course I played some Juan Diego for her. At first she said, "Oh, Paul Potts is as good as this guy..." but as she listened more it was obvious that she changed her mind. Nothing against Paul Potts - but he's no Juan Diego Florez.

The Older, The Louder

The studio class was tonight. What fun! The anon poster on my other entry was right - everyone was so supportive and nice. Of course I had more in common with the parents...

The students were ages 12, 13, 17, 18 and me, 41. One of the mothers was younger than me. All the parents thought I was a college student.

We drew numbers for the order and I got to go first. That was fine with me, I was going to volunteer to anyway.

So here I am explaining my character, her background, her motivation, her feelings and so on. Interestingly, I was also the only one who described the character without using that "upspeak" questiony voice. Obviously I've had a lot more practice speaking in public - and not just because of my advanced age - I was a teacher before I had Alex. Explain something to a group of people? No problem.



And here I am singing. Do I look like I'm so distraught that I want to die? Um... that's in the music, it's not how I felt about my performance.



So I sang through it once, then my teacher came up and said that by holding my arms up like that I was lifting the breath from down deep where it needed to be. She had me really press my hands towards the floor and WOW what a difference! Like, an immediate improvement. It was unbelievable. We went over a few other bits and bars of music and then I sang through it again. Well I tried to but the first time I dissolved into giggles and had to start over. And I know why - I could hear the improvement and sometimes I get so astonished that I'm able to produce a pretty sound that I just start laughing. But then I managed to sing it pretty well, I thought. (although not as well as I can do it home alone of course...) I wasn't as unhappy with my performance as I was after the eval. Everyone applauded, which was really nice. They all commented on the instant improvement.

After me, the kids sang. Their biggest obstacle is their lack of self-confidence and their concern with what others are thinking about them. That bled into their singing and caused them to be timid and flat. By flat I don't mean the notes, I mean the affect or demeanor. So with them after they sang their piece, the teacher worked on drawing more emotion of out them so they could better convey what the character was feeling. Two of the students did it pretty well - the 12 year old and the one boy who I think was 17. The 13 year old was tall and gorgeous with a beautiful figure that she was obviously ashamed of because, well, she's 13. She tended to slouch and was sooo quiet. Once she relaxed and stopped giggling she produced some really beautiful sounds. She has a lot of potential once she gets older. Afterwards I told her that I often giggle uncontrollably during lessons and sometimes have to raise the music stand so I don't see the teacher's face, just so she knows she's not the only one. The age/confidence factor definitely made a difference - I sang the loudest and I threw myself into the character. My teacher gave me advice on technique only, while she focused on meaning and emotion with everyone else.

Afterwards we had some snacks and then I had to make a choice: In one corner, the students sat together chatting... in the other, the parents. Of course I ended up with the parents. After everyone else left (they had homework!!!) I stayed behind to help clean up and chat with my teacher. We decided that we will go see La Sonnambula together at the Met next season so I'll be getting tickets when they go on sale to the public.

I have two lessons left, both make-up lessons. One is Saturday the 21st, the other is as of yet unscheduled. My homework is to translate that French aria the Evaluators recommended. I wonder where I put it...

Until then... Alex turns 4 tomorrow!!! And rehearsals for La Traviata start next week. I guess eventually someone will let me know when and where...

Cure for a Sudden Lack of Confidence?

Tomorrow my voice teacher is holding a studio class for all her students. I'm going to sing Lasciatemi again. I've been listening to my lesson and practicing that part with the embellishment. I know I can do that "frightening part" (see comments on the post with the video) in not only a non-frightening manner, but actually quite nicely. However, starting yesterday and leaking into today I've been feeling nervous and not very confident about the whole thing. I know I need to get over it because I absolutely positively must be relaxed in order to sing, and I know I can sing it well.

So, how do I get over it?

Against My Better Judgement

Here I am practicing Lasciatemi Morire.

I hear many mistakes. Like, I mess up the timing on that part, and laugh, and then lose it in the high notes of the following measure. I know my mouth isn't open enough, my jaw not slack enough.

Not sure why I kept looking out the window. I think someone was outside catching my eye. Plus I was preoccupied a little, hoping I could finish the song before Husband and Child got home.

Not sure what I'm doing with my hands... except of course when I'm trying to count. Trying not to hunch into the emotion, which I felt myself doing a bit.

So I know this isn't the best I can do, but I wanted to share my Work In Progress. I'll gladly welcome any tips. (except, "this stinks," because I do that myself already.)

Feel Your Feet! Good courage!

Got the feedback from the Voice Eval. There was a check-off part that I won't bore you with and a comment section for each song that I will bore you with. Each person hand wrote their comments - the two "official" evaluators and my teacher.

So I'll transcribe the comments here, by song.


Goodnight, My Someone

**all three commented on my breaking character before the piano ended. It seems so obvious to me now but at the time I had no idea. My teacher blamed herself for that, for not going over all the music and explaining about that. I still feel like I should have just known... but anyway...**

Evaluator #1:

• Lovely, sweet sound
• Nice connection to the text and you're comfortable presenting the song.
• You're not afraid to connect to the character - that's great.

Evaluator #2:

• Keep the breath energy smooth from note to note. [comment from me: nerves?]
• The energy is in the vowel.
• Your mouth shape is horizontal and there seems to be a lot of tension in your lips.
• Some good released sounds in there - notice how that feels.

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• More lower breathing needed
• Good vertical space
• More legato and vowel connection needed [yeah, no kidding]

Lasciatemi Morire

Evaluator #1:

• Good.
• Work on getting deep low breath.
• Stay connected into the body for a fuller, more complete sound.
• Your desire to sing and act needs to be grounded in a really firm technique.
• Feel your feet, think tall and deep (in vowels and tone)
• Think a "queenly" attitude - strong, dynamic, forceful physique! Regal!
• Good [This "good" was off to the side and underlined.]
  

Evaluator #2:

• Get lower in your body.
• It takes time to build the necessary strength in the body.
• Find the core of the tone and maintain it.
• Good start.
• Good courage!

Evaluator #3, aka my teacher:

• Good emotion in the voice
• Don't fold into yourself and ruin your posture
  
• Improvement on vertical space
• Nerves impeded the embellishments

Today when we went over the suggestions she said the emotion was great. We went over the embellishments again and the truth is... I just didn't know them. Ok that's not entirely accurate. I knew the notes and how they fit together but was having trouble with the rhythm and making sure I fit them in all the two measures, so I didn't get them in the right parts of the measures. Sometimes I wonder if this would have been easier had I learned how to read music as a child. We had gone over it before but I had some sort of mental block. Today she described it another way, using math terms, and it was like something clicked in my brain and suddenly it all made sense. So nerves sort of impeded the embellishments, but not in the way she thought - it was nerves about not being sure, not general nerves about the event. At least that's what it seemed like, to me, at the time.

My teacher said that the evaluators liked the fact that I'm into opera because it helps me get emotion into my singing. That's not exactly how she put it but you get the idea. They also suggested a song for me - Ouvre ton coeur, by Bizet. Hey it's in French!

Next week is a studio class where each person will sing one song once or twice, people will offer suggestions and the teacher will give advice. I decided to practice Lasciatemi and do that for the class.

So how do I feel? I'm not shocked or surprised by any of the breath advice, about finding strength and getting lower and being connected to my body and breath. I definitely need to work on that.

I am surprised by all the good feedback. Yeah I know... I can't help it. But now I know there is something in there, in me, some sort of potential, and if I keep working I'll get closer and closer to that sound, to that potential to produce music. That's pretty cool, dontcha think?

"Try to be abnormal"

So said my teacher to me in the hallway after I sang. Apparently my feeling of disappointment in myself, of wanting to rush back in and do it over, of beating myself up over the little mistakes, of just feeling embarrassed about myself, apparently that's all normal. ????

It was so weird. I wasn't nervous until after I had begun singing. I was sort of looking over their heads. Then I glanced down at them and saw that they were furiously scribbling, and any shred of calmness and self-certainty that I had left went out the window. I cracked, I lost my vibrato on some notes and was generally shaky sounding.

I've never sung with an accompanist before. I've never sung in front of people I didn't know, and certainly not people who were judging me. It was so weird - there were little parts here and there where I knew I was off but couldn't control it. I never sang "Goodnight My Someone" with any music other than my voice teacher playing the chords. I didn't realize there were several measures of piano after I was done singing. I was like, isn't it over? Why is she still playing? Did I forget a section? Should I still be singing? I was confused and a bit freaked out that I was doing something wrong. My teacher told me later that I picked up my water bottle while the piano was still going. I don't even remember doing that. She said that was my only real "mistake." She said I incorporated the things we talked about last week about creating vertical space, and she knows that I was off on the ornamentation in Lasciatemi Morire because of nerves. She said that for my first evaluation, and my first time singing with a real live accompanist, that I did very well, that I've worked hard all these months and I should be happy.

So why do I just want to cry? Relief?

Lest I bring the reader of my otherwise lighthearted blog down, take a look at the certificate I got. How silly is this! Yup, it's official. I've been evaluated. It's a little wrinkled because I sort of shoved it in my bag... And what, no frame? Time for a trip to the dollar store!

Warming Up - The Big Relax

So tomorrow is that voice evaluation. I've been practicing my two songs. I can sing them just fine, meaning, I can sing all the notes. But singing is so much more than just hitting the notes! For Lasciatemi Morire I definitely feel the pain as I sing it and my voice teacher told me that it does come through, but then we added the ornamentation two weeks ago... I find myself becoming conscious of it, like, I break out of my misery and think, "Ok, here it comes, gotta get the timing right..." and then mechanically it sounds ok, but that's just it - it's mechanic, not melodic. This morning in the shower (where else?!) I realized that I've practiced it enough and I don't need to be conscious of the notes that much - they'll just come. So hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to relax (yeah uh huh) and let them just come. Might have to pretend I'm in my living room instead of that classroom.

So for Goodnight My Someone - Still working on the damn legato. I stitch the words together and it still sounds choppy. I know I can do it, but why won't it just happen? I know, I know... relax. Dumb jaw. Let it just come. Be Marian the Librarian, looking for that special someone who must be out there just waiting to fall in love with her. Thanks to my teenage mindset I can lapse into that longing-for-a-boyfriend feeling pretty easily. I have found that I have more legato if I sing it quietly, so maybe I have to tone it down a bit, use a little less energy. Maybe it's a muscular control thing, and when I sing it quietly I have more control than when I let 'er rip.

Main point here: Relax, Relax Relax!

Voice Evaluation!! EEK!

I realized that with all the Juan Diego excitement I've neglected to write about my voice lessons.

We've put "Una Donna..." on the back burner, because in two weeks (TWO WEEKS!) I have a voice evaluation. I have a suspicion this is to evaluate my teacher too... so anyway I have to sing two songs for I think 3 or 4 people from the Conservatory (That's Westminster, for anyone who's asking) and then they tell me what's wrong OOPS I mean they'll give me suggestions. So my teacher and I discussed it and decided on 'Lasciatemi Morire' and 'Goodnight My Someone.' I think GMS is a sort of goofy song but it's good acting practice - how sincere can I sound?! It's also hard! It's sort of too low, but not really. It's in a range that coincides with a break in my voice so it's challenging. So in that sense it's not goofy at all. I've been practicing specific vocal exercises to help with the transitions, caressing the notes, and it's helping. They like being caressed. For LM, we realized that we never went over the ornamentation in the last two sections, so I've been practicing them. It's all about the timing - the piano accompaniment has some sections that are hard for me to maintain the correct rhythm, and then when the next parts come around I'm not always in sync with the music and I have to either stretch out or cut a note short. One day I'll try to record a video of me singing it. Until then, here's a similar version from about a hundred years ago. I don't sing it quite like this. I think she sounds like she's got a mouthful of marbles or something. We go a bit faster too. But hey, you can see the music, and that's kind of cool.