No Fear!

Normally I don’t make new year’s resolutions, but this year I did make just one: Don’t fear the high notes. There are notes that I can comfortably hit and sustain, but for some reason when they turn up with certain words in a song, or in a certain jump from another note, I swallow them. Why? Fear. For some reason I’ve been afraid of sounding screechy or flat or just plain wrong. But that fear was causing me to close up, which of course then makes the note screechy or flat or wrong. So from now on my motto is, don’t fear the high notes.

I've been missing my previous voice teacher a lot lately.  I can imagine what she'd tell me to do when the notes don't come out the way I want them to. Sometimes I can hear her voice in my head, telling me to lift lift lift my voice on top of the air, aim between my eyes, and so on.

 

I’m working on The Sun Whose Rays are All Ablaze, from the Mikado. There’s one note that under any other circumstance I have ZERO problems with, but here for some reason I have a mental block. I think it’s due to the consonants. The note is on the words, “our worth” and “awake.” I think the W is messing me up. And let’s not even talk about the R in “worth.” In fact, let’s forget it exists. The K in “awake,” too. Doing the W and then the R or K has been my downfall. Sure I want to have good pronunciation, but the phrase is repeated a moment later in notes that I sing just fine. It’s more important to keep a beautiful, round, rich open tone than to worry about pronouncing these two words perfectly. When I stuck that idea into my head, suddenly I could sing the notes! Such a simple solution. I just need to practice, practice, practice so that I do it correctly every time.

At yesterday’s voice lesson there were a few other people in the house, so for me it was a chance to practice singing in front of people. I definitely felt a little self-conscious. But after a little while I got used to it. I told my teacher how well I can sing in the shower and she suggested I keep that relaxed shower attitude whenever I sing. Except, keep my clothes on. Obviously.

She actually feels I’ve progressed enough to sing with the Opera Project main stage again. I’m not sure how to even bring that up with the director. I did ask him if they plan on having Wing singers in any main stage concerts this year, but they haven’t planned that far ahead yet. Then he told me that the Wing is planning to do scenes from Marriage of Figaro this Spring. To me, that’s pretty much a message to stay with the Wing. So for now I’ll just wait.

 

There’s actually no news on any upcoming Wing concerts for the library series. However, I learned that the showcase concert in May is going to be a little different this year. In the past, they assigned roles for a few scenes, and also had people sing arias or art songs. This time around they’re having auditions. I’ve been working on Marcelina’s part in the duet “Via resti servita” and I (personally) think that would be a fun one to do. But as much as I’d love to be in a scene, the reality of the situation is, I can’t attend a whole bunch of regular rehearsals, what with working full time, having a young kid who’s in swimming, baseball and sometimes soccer, etc. It’s also hard for me to find the time to learn the recit. I asked them if there’d be any possibility of a “park and bark” as I like to call it, to see if I can sing an aria or art song, but they said that Figaro will pretty much take up the entire program. So unless I get a part that’s just me running on stage and singing, I might not be able to participate. That makes me sad, especially because my former teacher created the Wing for people like me, to get practice singing in front of an audience. I don’t have a future goal of being a professional opera singer. I just like to sing. I kind of feel like a scenes-only show (consisting of mainly high-school students) excludes people like me – adults with a full time job and a family — and therefore goes against my former teacher’s intention when she created the group. But the group has evolved, as groups do, and there’s nothing I can do about it except continue to ask if I can do an aria. And I'll audition for the concert when the time comes. Hopefully it will all work out. Meanwhile, I’ll keep on studying. And who knows what other performance opportunities might crop up.

Cute!

Yes!! That's what the guy in charge of the Opera Project said about my audition. "That was really cute. So is that what you'll be singing at our next performance?"

YEAH!!!!!

It was so weird. I couldn't find the place at first. It was in a church, but not in the chapel. Someone in the chapel gave me directions that brought me almost to the right place, but I still had to wander a bit to find where I was supposed to be. When I got there I was the first one there other than the Head Honcho and the accompanist. They were so nice. They asked if I brought my music, I showed it to the pianist and she was all excited because she's currently accompanying a performance of Cosi somewhere else. So then I just took my coat off and suddenly I was singing. I mean, I don't know what else I expected. That's what you do, right? And I nailed every high note. Like, nicely. I was standing about 10 feet from the Head Honcho dude. He was looking right at me of course, and nodding, and I was doing my best to look at a spot just over his head. I actually laughed at one point because the prerecorded accompaniment I have is super fast, and I forgot to slow down for the last , "Col posso e voglio..." and then I laughed but of course kept on going. When I was done, after he said the cute thing, he said, "It's fine to laugh in the middle but make sure you have enough breath to finish the line." Ha! I didn't MEAN to laugh! It just happened. I suppose that's better than crying. And the moment I finished I was thinking that I could have done so much better. But I was so happy that I hit every high note, and I hit it well. No screeching, no cracking, just a nice clear sound. But still I felt like saying, "Wait! Let me do it again, I swear I can do it better!"

I hung out a little longer to meet some of the other singers. Then when they sang I was totally intimidated. They're either opera students or former professional singers who didn't continue pursuing a career, so they all have that huge sound. As they sang, I shrank smaller and smaller into my seat. And that wasn't easy considering we were in a preschool classroom and everything was miniature.

Here's the poster:




I have that karaoke Halloween party on the 24th so he's putting me into the program for November 21st.

I can hardly believe it. I'm singing with an opera group. People will pay to come. It's amazing! I did it! I studied and here I am, singing for real. It seems unreal!

On my way home I called my mom. I asked, "Wouldn't your father be proud?" She was like, "Oh yes! So wonderfully proud! As would your aunt!" so I said, "And what about my mother?" and she said that she too was very proud. So I had to fish for it, but I got it.

Inspiration Revelation

I was just thinking about tomorrow's audition, and specifically about how every day on Facebook I see status updates from my Real Opera Singer friends about what show number they're on, what stage (pun!) of rehearsal they're in and so on. And I just realized that having worked with all those talented singers and seeing all their status updates is really inspiring! I know that they've all been at it for years, starting in college if not before, working their butts off, and I've been at it part-time for under 3 years. So by inspiration I don't mean that I feel like I can be where they are without the all the hard work. I am not delusional. (Not about that at least...) But they do inspire me to do my best. It even helps sometimes to imagine that some of them are there in the room, like I want them to be proud of me or something. Not exactly... but sort of. Maybe I just want to prove something, but not in any sort of mean way. I was the silent shy super who brought gummy worms and puzzle books to the green room. Well, not so silent, and not really that shy. But I did bring gummy worms and puzzle books. And now, holy crap, I'm singing. Not like they do of course. Like I do. Well enough to stand up in front of others and perform. Who ever woulda thunk?

I'm babbling. I'm exhausted. I'm singing tomorrow. I'm making much more a big deal out of it then the guy with whom I spoke on the phone did. He said that "everyone and their sister" will show up to sing. At the same time, he said "I just need to hear you sing, then we can put you on the program for the next performance." That's casual. I mean, he hasn't heard me sing. Isn't it premature to say he'll put me on the program? What if I completely screw up, forget the words, crack on half the notes, go sharp (rather than flat, which isn't usually a problem for me) or say or do something stupid. Like, what if I go to the bathroom there and part of my skirt is tucked into my panty hose. That would be embarrassing. Wardrobe/brain failure. What if, what if, what if. It'll be fine, I'll be fine, it's not that big a deal. I just don't want to assume anything, no matter what he told me, because we all know what happens when you assume. I've been through that myself this past year and look where it got me. Ok it didn't get or unget me anywhere. But I did go through it and we all ended up looking like asses. Or, as one of my friends calls her cat when he does something stupid, we all ended up looking like ass-clowns. Not sure what it means but it's funny. And back to the subject, I love to perform. I get such a rush. Even if the "performance" is an audition in a church daycare room. The real performances are downstairs in the chapel. So even if I don't get into the program, I'm hoping to have fun no matter what.

I will, of course, post soon after to tell you all all about it.

Picky Choosy

Had a pretty good voice lesson yesterday. Told my teacher about next week's auditionesque thing. We picked over Una Donna and also the Tipsy Waltz. She said either would be fine. I said I would ask my readers and she was into that. So now y'all have to listen to my teacher and help me pick which one to sing.

Tipsy Waltz is mezzo, French and short.
Una Donna is soprano, Italian and long.

I was home alone all day today so I recorded them and then put them together in a "Which one?" video. Here you go. And as you listen and remember that I will continue to practice connecting to the breath, using the low abs, dropping my jaw and all that other stuff for a fuller, more rounded sound. Please post a comment with your vote. Thanks!



Another benefit of being home alone all day was that I could sing without being told to shut up. Uh I mean, to stop singing. I didn't really sing all day, but at one point I put on this CD I had made of the accompaniment for all the pieces I've learned and I sang through that. I also faked through Art is Calling for Me. Last week I promised my teacher I wouldn't sing it yet and we didn't have time to get to it yesterday so I was just being goofy and not really singing it. No one was here to tell me to stop and the neighbors are all too polite. Although suddenly everyone was mowing their lawn... surely a coincidence...

My teacher had to cancel next week's lesson but I'll be calling her after I sing for the group.

So let's see, particulars from yesterday's lesson ... just picky stuff about pronunciation and timing in the songs, the lippiness of French and so on. Breath, using the abs, staying grounded, the usual stuff. She says she loves seeing how far I've come and how much better things sound now. That's nice to hear. And vocal exercises to practice... uh... yeah she gave me some but of course I don't remember them at the moment. Luckily they're all on the tape... assuming, of course, that it recorded.

******
EDITING TO ADD:
No I'm not pregnant. I poof out my stomach to breathe and that adds to the fat to make it look like I'm 6 months along, but I'M NOT!!!!! !!!!!!!
Guess it's time to step up that diet and exercise regime...
******************

A Cancellation, an Un-Cancellation and a Sort-Of Audition

Woot! The person in charge of that opera group I've mentioned before called today! He wants to hear me sing and finally I can make it to the rehearsal. He kept talking about putting me in the program for the next performance ... but I'm not listening to that part of the conversation just yet. Let's get through the "hearing me sing" part. I'll post about that after it happens. Ok and probably the day or 10 before...

Of course the next performance is the same night as this super fabulous Halloween party one of my friends is throwing. Of course. And the babysitter I lined up for that already backed out because he's in a choir and they have a performance that night. The other babysitters I've asked are not available. I still have two more on my list before I give up.

So he was totally casual, said that if I can't make it on the 24th, the next performance will be in November, then they take a few months off and resume in March. That's fine. I'll still be singing in March.

In other news, Alex's Saturday morning music class has been canceled. However, the head of the Early Childhood Department at the conservatory suggested that we either:

1. Switch him into her Friday afternoon class
2. Consider music therapy with one of their specialized faculty or
3. She'll see if his regular music teacher would consider a private lesson for him at the same time as my voice lesson.

Her Fri afternoon class won't work because the two convenient ways to get to the main campus from our house are now under construction and have very out-of-the-way detours, plus the class would let out at rush hour. Rush hour + too many detours that everyone would be taking = no thanks.

I am interested to know what the difference would be between music therapy with a special ed music person and a private lesson with his current teacher, so I'll be speaking with the department head shortly. So in a way, the cancellation could be a good thing.

The Almost Audition... Postponed

Argh. The thing I've sort of mentioned in the past few posts... the Person In Charge left me a message, they want to hear me sing, can I come Saturday? Totally casual message that if I can make it, great, if not, that's OK too. My first thought upon hearing the message was, "NO! I'm NOT READY!" Even though I am. But there it was, my first thought. Not an auspicious beginning.

Unfortunately, I have an obligation on Saturday that I can't really get out of without causing A Great Deal of Discomfort to Too Many People (including the Discomfort they'd heap upon me). So I had to tell him I couldn't make it. He thought I had previously told him I'd be on vacation that day, so he didn't expect me to be available. The next opportunity will be in September, unless he can get people together in August. He said many people are on vacation and it's hard to schedule stuff, and that he'd call me. I guess I'll call him at the beginning of September if I don't hear from him.

I'm so glad he left a message - it gave me time to think before calling him back. So now I'll have time to prepare an audition piece, maybe two, if they want to hear another. This is not a paid professional thing - it's casual - so it's not like I need a head shot and a portfolio of music for them to choose from for me to sing. On the other hand, it can't hurt. Might as well pretend I'm professional, as much as I'm able to. They know the deal as far as my vocal education and experience goes.

I'm excited, even if I have to wait two more months!