Inspiration Revelation

I was just thinking about tomorrow's audition, and specifically about how every day on Facebook I see status updates from my Real Opera Singer friends about what show number they're on, what stage (pun!) of rehearsal they're in and so on. And I just realized that having worked with all those talented singers and seeing all their status updates is really inspiring! I know that they've all been at it for years, starting in college if not before, working their butts off, and I've been at it part-time for under 3 years. So by inspiration I don't mean that I feel like I can be where they are without the all the hard work. I am not delusional. (Not about that at least...) But they do inspire me to do my best. It even helps sometimes to imagine that some of them are there in the room, like I want them to be proud of me or something. Not exactly... but sort of. Maybe I just want to prove something, but not in any sort of mean way. I was the silent shy super who brought gummy worms and puzzle books to the green room. Well, not so silent, and not really that shy. But I did bring gummy worms and puzzle books. And now, holy crap, I'm singing. Not like they do of course. Like I do. Well enough to stand up in front of others and perform. Who ever woulda thunk?

I'm babbling. I'm exhausted. I'm singing tomorrow. I'm making much more a big deal out of it then the guy with whom I spoke on the phone did. He said that "everyone and their sister" will show up to sing. At the same time, he said "I just need to hear you sing, then we can put you on the program for the next performance." That's casual. I mean, he hasn't heard me sing. Isn't it premature to say he'll put me on the program? What if I completely screw up, forget the words, crack on half the notes, go sharp (rather than flat, which isn't usually a problem for me) or say or do something stupid. Like, what if I go to the bathroom there and part of my skirt is tucked into my panty hose. That would be embarrassing. Wardrobe/brain failure. What if, what if, what if. It'll be fine, I'll be fine, it's not that big a deal. I just don't want to assume anything, no matter what he told me, because we all know what happens when you assume. I've been through that myself this past year and look where it got me. Ok it didn't get or unget me anywhere. But I did go through it and we all ended up looking like asses. Or, as one of my friends calls her cat when he does something stupid, we all ended up looking like ass-clowns. Not sure what it means but it's funny. And back to the subject, I love to perform. I get such a rush. Even if the "performance" is an audition in a church daycare room. The real performances are downstairs in the chapel. So even if I don't get into the program, I'm hoping to have fun no matter what.

I will, of course, post soon after to tell you all all about it.

Going Forward With a Short Inspirational Rewind

Remember all summer I kept talking about how wonderful a performer Elizabeth Caballero is? Here's one of her recent YouTube uploads:



Too bad there's no video. As awesome as she sounds, watching her is even more ... what's the word... emotional? Enjoyable? Inspiring? Quick, someone break out a thesaurus!

And speaking of inspiring, I haven't forgotten about my own singing aspirations. This week I had some sort of vocal breakthrough - I was doing a warm-up along with a taped lesson and suddenly I was able to sing higher than I ever had - beyond where I went in the recording of the lesson. (I believe the high note of the lesson was a C or C#, not sure because I don't let myself look at the piano) I felt the change in my throat, in my abs, in my insides, in my head. It was mental and physical. I've been able to repeat it a couple times. Now that I know it's in there, in me, I just have to figure out how to get to that place again. And I think that part of my ability to even get there at all, besides having a break from lessons and the pressure I put on myself with them, was from paying attention this summer, watching Liz do her thing, watching her not only throw herself into the character, but also watching her physicality - the shape of her mouth as she sang different notes and different vowels, how she held her shoulders, her posture, and so on. I paid attention to all of it. So she doesn't even know it, but she helped me increase my range. Thanks for the inspiration!

Now the question is, how do I reproduce what I've done? It's a zone and I have to enter it. This is so frustrating because I can't adequately express how I got there, and that's part of the problem of trying to do it again. Maybe that's it - I have to not try and express it, and instead, just, I don't know, experience it.