I still have the recording of my last lesson with my voice teacher from March on my iphone. About 2 weeks ago I was finally able to listen to it without crying. I actually sang along and felt happy. I realized I was ready to study again.
About the same time, I learned that The Opera Project was presenting a memorial concert for my voice teacher in October. I emailed the director with the idea in my head that if I don't ask if I can participate, I definitely won't be participating. If I do ask, there's a chance he'll say yes. And he did. I actually got a little weepy when I got his reply, saying that he's sure she would have wanted me to perform. So I'll sing Sposa son Disprezzata.
Next, I realized that I really do need to get some lessons in between now and then, because I've lost some of the breath control, legato and other good singing habits. So I got a few recommendations, contacted one of the teachers and we set up a trial lesson. That lesson was yesterday and it went really well! It turns out that he was at the Opera Project Wing concert where I sang Sposa. So he's heard me sing, he knows what I can do, he knows where I need work and also... he knew my voice teacher.
In the middle of this lesson I was internally freaking out thinking that there's no way I'll be ready to sing this song by October 18. Typical. And like my other voice teachers, he did a great deal of psychotherapy along with the regular voice lesson stuff.
I cried a little on the way home, because I miss my (late) voice teacher so much. I can't even. I'm getting weepy just typing this. But today I listened to yesterday's lesson, and practiced, and I can already hear an improvement in how I'm singing. So hopefully I'll make her proud. Now I will add her to the ranks of people I love who are no longer here, who I imagine come to the concerts to hear me sing.
One more thing about this October 18th concert: It's going to be broadcast live on a local radio station. They have a website with a link to listen online. NO PRESSURE. Zoinks.