Six Hands

I feel I don't warrant all the congratulations I'm getting about that pseudo-audition. I mean, the guy told me beforehand that he just needed to hear me sing and then they'd put me in the program. Of course he could have said no, sorry, we don't want you, but I sort of got the feeling that anyone who could carry a tune could get in. If that's the case, do I really deserve all the congratulations and so on? On one hand, I never would have had the nerve to approach the guy if I didn't think I could sing through an aria in a halfway acceptable manner. On the other hand, it seems like anyone who can sing through an aria can sing with the group. On the third hand (break out the octopus, there will be lots of hands here), the other singers are "real." They have that super loud operatic sound. They're former opera singers and/or opera students in music school. And technically I think the part of the group I am with is called the Classical Singer Network, even though the recitals are all one event and everyone performs.

Ok, on the fourth hand... I did get up and sing. For someone in charge. Someone with the power to say, "Thanks but no thanks." I don't remember if I reported this in the last entry, but just before I began he asked how I was and I replied, "Nervous." "Good," he replied, "You should be." Then we began. So that's good. I mean, I did treat it like an audition. So it's good experience, even if was practically guaranteed to be successful. On the fifth hand, good experience for what? It's not like I can compete with opera students, ever. They are in a totally different league. This may be it for me. On the sixth hand, I shouldn't cut myself out of the game here. It's just the beginning, right? A few years of performance experience with this group while I continue to study and who knows what I'll be ready for.

I've come so far already. Should I be content with where I am? Because I'm not. I want to improve, gain confidence, get better, be pleased with my sound. I can certainly achieve the first three, and the fourth comes and goes depending on my mood. (meaning, check the calendar.)

Bottom line: No matter how "guaranteed" the spot with the group was, it's all good. And it can only get better.

Only six hands. I guess that leaves the octopus free to type with the two remaining tentacles.